Goal in focus Jog with my daughter. 1 person is doing this
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3 entries 7 cheers
  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 4 cheers 2017-06-15 01:03:16

    We had to skip yesterday due to conflicting scheduling (which was no great loss, considering it was 95 degrees and humid out), so today was Day 3:
    Jog a little, walk a little, jog a little, walk a little. Really intense exercise for me, even though it just for a short while.

    It felt SOOOOOO GOOD!

    All my exercise for the last several years has been low-intensity, and I didn't remember (or did I ever know?) how amazing your body and mind feel when you are breathing fast and hard from short bursts of exertion. I don't know if it's because you are breathing so deeply when you exert yourself in those short bursts, but it feels so relaxing. My whole chest and stomach felt so warm and loose when we were done. And talk about endorphins! I felt them hit me after just 10 minutes in.

    My knee didn't feel as great as the rest of me, but it didn't hurt enough to be concerned about, so that's good.

    My thigh muscles are sore, which seems weird- why would they get sore? But that incredible gasping, relaxing, blood-rushing, endorphin-high feeling when I stop the jog a little (and I mean really, really little) and start the walk a little is worth it.

    I need a better sports bra.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-13 12:27:07

    Day 2: an even hotter day, if you can believe that given how hot it was yesterday.
    At the end of a very short session, my knee started to bother me. Which made me wonder if this is such a great idea. With my knees, and my being overweight, jogging might be stupid.
    But I'm really doing this for Tadpole, not for me. That's all for naught, though, if the knee gets worse due to it.
    We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 5 cheers 2017-06-12 11:59:26

    My newest goal.

    I have been thinking about upping my exercise intensity, and right now, as my daughter is struggling, this would be a perfect time to spend some special time and attention with her.

    So I brushed aside all the concerns and what ifs and it's the hottest time of the year, what am I thinkings and asked her to be my jogging coach. (She ran a 5 K in 3rd grade last year, and I wanted to encourage her to feel like an expert in something).

    So now we are going to do a little bit every day, increasing the distance little by little. We had our first session, and she loved both telling me what to do and saying, "You can do it, mom, keep going!" I only walked/jogged a half-mile (It was soooo hot out, even at 8pm) but I was breathing so hard and sweating so much. A great workout. I am so glad I thought of this.

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Thrive! 5 people are doing this
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7 entries 26 cheers
  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-20 14:45:33

    I'm having a hard time.

    Closing out the grants + moving the office (a definite anxiety trigger for me) + getting ready for the girls' camp + Tadpole's issues + Frog being grumpy and useless because of his medical issues + the heat and humidity + my own issues + knowing I'm not taking positive strides to make my life the way I want it + MY big medical adjustment + perimenopause

    = Blech.

    So how can I counter this to thrive?

    Someone on the radio said that you don't have to do the whole meditation shebang, but even just breathing deeply and counting backwards from 100 on each breath can be beneficial. Since meditation has been a real bust for me lately, I'm going to try to incorporate this a few times a day. (not all the way from 100 to 0, but maybe from 100 to 75?)

    I have to incorporate other self-care things into my life right now so I can thrive.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-13 12:47:20

    June 13th check in:

    I am anxious about getting all the things done, work and home.

    I am frustrated that I am spending my precious time on earth with the administrative nonsense that fuels my anxiety and ultimately has no purpose, i.e. makes no mark or positive outcome on the world.

    I am not putting a priority on my health, either eating my best or having good sleep habits. I am angry with myself that I am unable to establish self-control in my time management or healthy eating.

    The anxiety has to be dealt with in my mind, with self-nurturing, meditation, and reframing. Worrying about the undone things doesn't help anyone. I tend to get most of the things done in the long run.

    The frustration should be dealt with by changing my work, but I'm not courageous to either take the risks to make the change or give up the good money I'm making. I do hope that someday I will gain that courage. Until I do gain that courage, I'll try to make things as pleasant as possible for me and see how/if I can spend less time on the administrative, more time on the parts of my work that are better for me and others.

    The lack of self-control in time management and healthy eating? Sigh. I don't know. I don't know how to make that better.

    Oh, boy, is this negative. Let's counter that with some positivity: What did I do right?

    1. My new jogging with my daughter routine/ increased rigor in my physical activity is a good counter for the anxiety. So yay, me. I'm exercising. Yay, endorphins.

    2. I took steps to help my daughter not only with the jogging initiative, but also by contacting the school and asking for help. So at least my mothering is fairly decent lately.

    3. I got the camp physical forms to the doctor on time.

    4. I did the dishes and cleaned the cat box. (Yes, yes, I know- the laundry is days overdue, and the living room is a wreck. This is about what I did right, not what I did wrong.)

    5. Let's give myself a little credit for this experiment, if you will- that took some courage- and recognize that even though it is clearly making me struggle a bit, the struggle is worthwhile (I hope). Of course I'm having a harder time now. Duh. It's a HUGE adjustment! It's okay, though, I'm okay, and I will continue to be okay. I will keep journaling here, keep trying to be brave, keep trying be kind to myself and nurture myself and I will forgive myself for falling short in all these areas, while respecting myself for trying.
      I will breathe.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-12 12:03:17

    June 12th check in:

    So yesterday, I asked my family to go to the beach with me.

    The ocean was too cold to swim in, but it was so wonderful to build a sand castle and lay on the sand and laugh with my spouse and walk a bit with the waves lapping at our feet and aaahhhhhhh......

    Exactly what I needed to thrive.

    (It also helps that I got my period. I wrote my last entry under the influence of some pretty bad PMS. Just a reminder: things are not always as difficult as they appear the week before my period.)

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-10 16:25:50

    June 10th check in:

    Well, from one perspective, I am clearly thriving. Given the huge change, I am doing very well, better than I did the last time I tried this huge change, for sure. There's struggle, but it's manageable, dare I say honorable struggle. So I must remember this overarching thriving despite my concerns and complaints.

    On the other hand, it is this very change, I suspect, that makes me newly aware that I am not living my best life. I am not spending my precious time on earth in ways that will delight and fulfill me. I'm just kind of placeholding. Getting work- work I'm not at all excited about- done. Getting chores done. Parenting, which I know is supposed to bring me joy, but it's just not. It's a lot of work and a lot of stress. Sorry.
    When I do get to choose what I do, I'm not making good choices. I'm watching Netflix, which sometimes I enjoy, but I'd be happier if I did other things, like oh- maybe writing, hmmmm? I haven't written in months. This saddens me. What will my mark on the world be, what will my personal passion be if I'm not writing? And can I really live with the fact that I'm keeping myself from what I supposedly want to do because of fear? That really bothers me, that I'm letting the fear that I'm a talentless hack stop me from doing what I want to do.
    I am walking, and that's good, but it's more of a "I need to do this to keep functioning" than an "I take joy in doing this" motivation, and that's not good. I don't do things to bring me joy.

    The good news: realizing this is the first step to going about fixing this. I want to start making my life be a meaningful and a joyful one.

    I've been neglecting journaling about my goals for a while now. I think I need to write here more and be more consistent. Maybe put up some re-framed goals too, simple ones, like "limit screen time to two hours" and "journal here four times a week or more" and "choose as many things as I can that bring me joy every day" or something like that. I'll think about it.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 6 cheers 2017-04-24 02:45:44

    I feel like I am on the cusp of a change, a watershed event.

    Even during the difficulty I've been experiencing lately, I can tell I'm growing, and changing for the better. I am starting to realize that I can affect positive change in my life, despite the negative inner critic that tries to tell me I will never make anything of myself, or be able to do what I want to do . I am gaining more power over that cruel fear that limits me, valuing myself more, and growing stronger. Despite the frustrating, painful work I have to do, I'm starting to trust that I'll come out the other side of this better, that this is the beginning of a far superior time in my life in which I was strong, courageous, and began to live the kind of life that I wanted to live. I'm struggling now, but I can only hope but I will emerge from this struggle the victor, that what is now difficult will be worth it in the long run, and this work will allow me to thrive emotionally. physically, mentally, joyfully. I believe that day by day I am making progress, gathering strength, garnering courage, growing daily so that I may ride this momentum like a rocket ship and take charge of my life, master my surroundings, make great choices, and thrive.
    Perhaps if I am as kind to myself as I can be, it will be easier to reach my goals, my hopeful goals that I will lead a life with purpose.

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Declutter 89 people are doing this
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3 entries 21 cheers
  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 6 cheers 2017-03-23 12:35:49

    Today is a great day for spring cleaning! I will put an hour into finding the things I don't need and assigning them a new home.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 12 cheers 2017-02-20 15:59:55

    That might have been the hardest hour of my day! There is so much emotional baggage that goes along with the physical clutter: an important thing to recognize and accept.
    I started with the easiest area in the house: the bathroom. There were quite a few expired toiletries to throw out. A few things I bought and never used. I think the reason I haven't gotten rid of them previously was because I wanted to be the kind of person that _____. (Polished my nails, etc.) But I'm not that person, and that's okay.
    Then on to the bedroom: much harder. Two areas that I didn't have success with: gifts that I don't want but can't seem to get rid of (some of these have been hanging around for years) and my deceased great aunt's jewelry and personal effects. I don't use them, but I can't seem to donate them either.
    Easier (but not easy) to donate or discard was extra buttons I've been saving in case I lose a button, a pair of unattractive earrings (I haven't worn earrings in 5 years, been saving them in case my daughters want them some day, but I can give them the attractive pairs I saved for them!), a coin purse (I have another better one if I actually ever use a coin purse), a glasses case I hadn't used in over 5 years because I got a better one, a pair of old glasses that are no longer my prescription and quite frankly, not too flattering, and an old journal. (It still had pages left in it, but I am not living in some sort of journal shortage!)
    It's really embarrassing to see how "just in case" and miserly I am. You would think I grew up in the Depression, for goodness sakes. I clearly have to spend more time with this meditation affirmation: I live in material, and non-material abundance.

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    • rosewilder
      rosewilder Doing 2 cheers 2017-02-22 13:31:56

      @meditation7 Thank you so much for the good energy sent my way, the support, and the inspiration! I really appreciate it.

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    • wyverndust
      wyverndust 2 cheers 2017-03-01 23:59:42

      @rosewilder this is kind of crazy but I have a whole drawer full of wayward buttons and another drawer full of old costume jewelry from a great aunt! When I was a teenager I wore the jewelry but not any more. I may need to look at some decluttering soon, too

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    • ahorrasi
      ahorrasi 2 cheers 2017-03-02 01:09:05

      @rosewilder good to see you on here! Havent' in the other place in a while. I collect all the weird craftsy paraphernalia and sicne I still technically craft, i will hold onto that stuff until/unless i have to relocate to another planet.

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    • rosewilder
      rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-03-02 02:37:15

      @wyverndust That is such an amazing coincidence! It must be something about being a great aunt. ; )

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    • rosewilder
      rosewilder Doing 1 cheers 2017-03-02 02:40:52

      @ahorrasi , It's so good to see you, too!

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 6 cheers 2017-02-19 16:26:24

    I am going to dedicate an hour to this today. As I harbor a touch of hoarder in me, I am going to make a game of it: how many items can I discard or donate in an hour of organization?
    Let the declutter games begin! May the odds be ever in my favor. 

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-20 14:29:44

    Gratitude despite struggling:

    1. Dopey cat affection in the middle of the night.

    2. Caffeine this morning to counter the dopey cat affection in the middle of the night.

    3. The torrential rains let up JUST when I needed.

    4. Voice to text capabilities.

    5. Hope.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-17 17:35:30

    Today, I am grateful for:

    1. Eight hours of sleep.

    2. Getting a start on the long overdue laundry.

    3. Some quiet time to myself.

    4. Singing.

    5. My aged but reliable car.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-15 01:10:38

    I am thankful for:

    1. The incredibly pleasurable physical and mental feeling after short bursts of intense exercise.

    2. The bravery to object to what my spouse said and tell him how it hurt me.

    3. The care and compassion he showed me even though he didn't fully get it or agree with my view.

    4. The light, so long-lasting this lovely time of year.

    5. Sitting on my porch, admiring the green, leafy trees.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 9 cheers 2017-06-10 15:00:31

    Saturday gratitude:

    1. I got to start watching the new season of Orange is the New Black last night. (I did not see I in the background, need to look more carefully in a second viewing for that.)

      So far, not as good as the beginning seasons, but that's to be expected, and it still held my interest.

    2. I weeded three-quarters of the garden today. Nice accomplishment.
      The newly planted honeysuckle is already crawling up the fence, the pea plants are being very uncooperative about leaning on their stakes, but seem to be reaching out to each other and holding hands, and the strawberries are just starting to come out. We joke that, given our track record, the strawberry plants really belong to the nocturnal animals / garden thieves. We highly doubt we'll get to eat any of them.

    3. I was thinking about @choosejoy and her new beautiful baby girl this morning. What a nice thing to think about! Then I got to think about @loveinthecure too, another great thought.

    4. A reasonably nice, somewhat personal moment with a colleague. It only took 6 years, for goodness sakes, but better late than never.

    5. And a true friend to talk to when I really needed a true friend. So grateful for her support.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-03 14:22:24

    June gratitudes:

    1. Oh my goodness. When we left synagogue last night at 9pm, it was just getting dark out! Hooray! Hoorah!

    2. A bright beautiful half-moon reminded me to stop focusing on myself and find beauty everywhere.

    3. Despite a rough night with a sick kid, I functioned throughout the day,

    4. With the help of lovely caffeine. I know that its fashionable to eschew coffee these days, but I wouldn't give it up for anything.

    5. I am doing so well on my new routine. I am so, so grateful for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 3 cheers 2017-02-18 14:52:27

    Today's task to honor myself: check workshop dates and price; email and ask if it's okay that it's a work in progress. 
    (This seems minor, but it takes courage.)

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 5 cheers 2017-02-17 13:29:03

    Hoo boy. Apparently I have fear of rejection issues.
    Last night, I dreamt the editor of my favorite literary magazine (who is really a man but was a woman in the dream) and her assistant, who for no explicable reason was Melissa McCarthy) were critiquing my manuscript. Editor was crossing out large sections of text, really pressing down hard on the pen and scribbling so you couldn't see the words anymore. I asked her to just circle the sections she thought I needed to change- it hurt my feelings that the words were figuratively and literally being obliterated- and she went to the title page and circled the whole thing, stating that it was all awful. Then, Melissa McCarthy said , "Remember when I said you should focus on poetry? That was just so you would write less words. The less words you write, the better. "
    I woke up with my heart pounding in fear. I was so angry and scared, and then I realized- oh, that's why I avoid writing. Fear of rejection. Fear of not really having any talent.

    I will not let that cruelty, that horrible fear win.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 4 cheers 2017-04-29 15:27:58

    A-hem. Ms. Wilder, it's been 10 days since you last celebrated your minor accomplishments. Kindly proceed:

    1. I sent the reimbursement application for my business travel (better late than never).

    2. Walking, walking, and more walking! I've now been ramping up my exercise for almost a full month.

    3. I made a conference with Tadpole's teacher to discuss some issues upon which I want to get a better handle.

    4. I conducted a really great webinar on Monday. It was one of those moments of "flow", and the part of my work that I truly enjoy.

    5. I boxed up all the fall/winter clothes.

    6. I was supportive of my spouse despite my doubts.

    7. I invited everyone to Mother's Day.

    8. I was firm but loving with my daughter.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 5 cheers 2017-04-19 12:27:38

    I had a conversation with an acquaintance- one that I hardly know- that yielded an excellent reminder to focus on the good. She suggested that I keep a list of accomplishments as well as the overwhelming to-do list I keep. So I'm going to do that here. It's a bit like my gratitude list, but it's focused on what I've done right or even just done. It's a great way to counter the constant feeling of "I have too much to do, I never get it done," which is an anxiety and non-honoring thought to allow to take precedence in my mind.

    So, some things I did right or got done recently:

    1. I completed and mailed the child care application.

    2. I have walked the last 8 days in a row without missing a day.

    3. I helped Frogette with her summer paperwork.

    4. i made family dinner last night.

    5. I completed the flyer.

    6. I pitched a gig (a non- big boss gig! yay!) that was accepted. A little more moolah for me!

    7. I washed the dishes.

    Thoughts: it was very hard to not counter these in my mind. (i.e. "Well, maybe I did the dishes, but the kitchen floor is filthy!" or "Ooh, big deal. You made one family dinner. What about all those other times you slacked and didn't do it.")
    NOPE! Please stop that, Rose Wilder. It's unnecessary and unkind. I wouldn't say those things to a friend, would I? I should treat myself as well as I treat a friend.
    I am going to keep on adding to this list, a little at a time, and try to celebrate everything I put on it.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 4 cheers 2017-02-24 16:05:49

    Two nightmares about my in-laws recently. A good reminder to try to honor and nurture myself when it comes to them.

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  • rosewilder
    rosewilder Doing 5 cheers 2017-02-18 14:52:52

    Today's task to honor myself: check workshop dates and price; email and ask if it's okay that it's a work in progress. (This seems minor, but it takes courage.)

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0 entries 5 cheers
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