1.
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7 entries 2 cheers
30/09/2017
Every Day
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-08-27 20:26:41

    Today I am grateful for a good cry because it all sucks so much that I cannot even.
    I am also grateful for having a drink at the end of the day.
    Furthermore, some gratitude is due for hugs and kisses from the minion when I cried even though it makes me feel awful that she commiserates. She should not worry with me yet at her age.
    Also it is clean sheets day and though I had to make it happen myself I am still glad that I did.
    Finally, I don't know... a glass of coke perhaps? I enjoyed that even if I shouldn't have it.
    There. Perfect day: done.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-08-20 16:32:00

    This goal is waiting patiently for me.

    The camping trip to France was a success.

    Good talks with the guy; hard to do but good and necessary.

    Strange but true: I welcome the impatience inside me because it may give rise to some overdue action.

    Brace yourself: Fall is coming. And I love it.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 3 cheers 2017-07-23 20:59:33

    Sunday July 23

    Being old. That may sound weird but I feel like I have dropped so much of the angst with which I have lived for too long. These days I choose the fucks I give more wisely - and thus more sparingly.

    Dancing with the minions which is a lot like dancing like nobody's watching because they both do their thing and I do mine. Especially the 'youngest' (they're twins so it's relative, so to speak) goes completely her own way and does this highly expressive dance with facial expressions and all. It's amazing.

    Went looking for tent shopping today and the guy and I agreed on stuff. We are both exhausted and the kids were very present today but we didn't argue about anything and felt we were thinking along the same lines. I just hope the tent we want is still there when we get around to buying it.

    The end of socialising. The end of the school year is a grand parade of children's parties with matching parents meeting, goodbye things, school picknicks, etc. and I am all socialised out. As an extraverted introvert (it exists) being social costs me more energy than I get from it anyway but I need the human contact too. So... just glad it's done.

    The rich tapestry of americana music. The North American musical landscape is fascinating and I love exploring it. I am the kind of nerd who digs into the Smithsonian archives for obscure early versions of songs that are still around. :D

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 3 cheers 2017-07-22 09:28:57

    Saturday July 22

    Continuing this goal guilt-free after not posting for a few days because I am acknowledging that it takes some time to incorporate a new habit.

    Start of the summer holiday for the minions.

    Some plans for our patchwork holiday are materializing. A bit of Disney Paris, maybe a weekend with friends and the minions, perhaps a week flying to some warm island. We will see.

    The guy is a little more positive with the end of his work in sight. It may not be ideal but we have some certainties now and that is nice.

    We are able to purchase the car from the lease company at a reasonable rate. At least we will reach Paris.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 3 cheers 2017-07-19 10:06:35

    On Wednesday July 19 I am grateful for:

    Wednesday morning coffee. I will miss it during the holidays. And I am grateful that they waited for me and had another coffee after I joined them.

    The minion does not have gluten or lactose allergies/intolerances. It was a long shot but one that I am glad missed.

    The minion expressing a desire to stay home with me but changing her mind when I pointed out that she would not be able to play with the school friends. I love how she can find so much joy that she needs to choose which one she prefers. ;-)

    Another day another chance for the guy's work situation. This means talks with a lawyer and putting pressure on the curator to just blow the whole thing up. (Fingers crossed!)

    Thunderstorms are expected this evening. I love thunderstorms. Also, I get to stay home and cocoon guilt-free.

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2.
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7 entries 27 cheers
23/02/2017
3.
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13 entries 21 cheers
23/02/2017
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 4 cheers 2017-08-20 16:35:17

    Read The handmaid's tale during holidays. Pretty good.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-13 11:05:48

    The Vorrh was... confusing but ultimately worthwhile.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-05 20:25:05

    Got a whole line of books waiting for me but must finish The Vorrh first for book club.
    I am not a fan.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-04-25 12:19:12

    Nearing the end of the Gaiman book. It is not a long one, again. I wish he'd write a full length novel again. In the mean time I have The Vorrh on my e-reader and I have started that. I am not sure if I will like it, to be honest. I am reading it for my book club. The foreword (not by the author) was somewhat condescending towards classic fantasy and I feel that a book, much like people, should stand on its own without bringing others down. BUT! This might be the case. Bring it on.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 6 cheers 2017-04-23 20:46:26

    Norse mythology by Neil Gaiman is pretty good.

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4.
Get a job 77 people are doing this
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6 entries 19 cheers
23/02/2017
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 5 cheers 2017-06-05 20:24:24

    Got a job on my desk that I am applying for. In the mean time I had a little thing to do in Denmark last week and did that. Now I need to negotiate the follow-up on that. It pays terribly though. I need a steady job.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 4 cheers 2017-05-17 10:24:24

    Wasn't invited to the last application. Was not necessary for translation work.
    In the mean time I have a small job from an earlier employer to go to an international meeting for them and present there and report back. It's okay, it's work.
    I am telling people that I need a job and what I can do. Networking seems to be the best way to go about it, especially since I am almost always overqualified and/or too old.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 8 cheers 2017-04-13 11:22:51

    Sent out an application for a job I do not particularly aspire to. Last time I did that I got stuck in a rotten situation for 2.5 years BUT at least I had an income. Heh.
    I would be extremely surprised if I were invited for this job but we'll see.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 11 cheers 2017-03-23 11:15:51

    Sent an application in just now. I don't expect much from it but who knows?
    I am also re-sparked a little about my work field (musicology) after a talk with a professor I know and like. That feels nice, after having been so tired of it for so long.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-03-12 16:09:29

    Narp. I might look into becoming a translator.

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5.
This goal doesn’t have any items
3 entries 6 cheers
25/02/2017
6.
Be that woman 2 people are doing this
This goal doesn’t have any items
2 entries 21 cheers
27/02/2017
7.
Declutter 149 people are doing this
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4 entries 13 cheers
02/03/2017
8.
Write 26 people are doing this
This goal doesn’t have any items
2 entries 5 cheers
25/04/2017
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-05 20:21:36

    I am writing Dutch now and mainly for my (professional) blog on my freelance website. It forces me to write a bit every week and right now that's enough.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 1 cheers 2017-04-25 20:29:13

    I need to get some mileage. I've given up on the 'write a book' goal because that doesn't feel all that realistic and puts unnecessary pressure on. At the moment I just need to write and flex my writing muscles to strengthen them. Maybe then over time I will end up with something that I find satisfactory and perhaps send it over to people to read. Right now that is not happening yet. (And I am still shuddering at the thought of that one time when I send something to someone and I know now what a load of crap that was and how she must despise me as a result of that. Gah.)

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    • fiercepixie
      fiercepixie 2 cheers 2017-04-25 22:11:17

      @citrus Have you ever read the fantastic book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott? She advocates "shitty first drafts"- i.e., don't put too much pressure on yourself to write something good, just get it down, because you can always go back and fix it. If you haven't read it, it is SOOOOO good! You got this!
      😊

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9.
Post Randomly 14 people are doing this
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2 entries 4 cheers
21/04/2017
10.
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2 entries 15 cheers
13/04/2017
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-05 20:18:49

    Well no luck so far. The one person chickened out and the others don't really hold up. So there we go. No progress.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 4 cheers 2017-04-17 15:19:31

    A post on FB (just before I switch to 43 for a week see other goal) yielded two people who said I could tag along with them and one who would give it a thought.

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    • joycultivation
      joycultivation 1 cheers 2017-04-30 20:23:17

      @citrus this is awesome and this is critical if you are struggling to get motivated. accountability means you need to show up or you let down the other person. also joining sports clubs and teams is helpful as well!

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11.
This goal doesn’t have any items
8 entries 32 cheers
23/02/2017
23/02/2018
  • citrus
    citrus Doing 0 cheers 2017-08-27 20:29:10

    I keep telling people that 2017 is a transitional year: it hurts but it will lead somewhere.
    Now it is the end of August and I am starting to feel that it is going somewhere for most people but definitely not for me. And it makes me very, very unhappy so far. Transitional year my ass: it is the year of hurt and waiting and hurting because of it.
    So yeah. Sucks.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 4 cheers 2017-06-05 20:25:53

    Narp. This will not go down in history as my best year. Maybe a transformative year, eventually, but not my best.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 2 cheers 2017-04-30 20:05:17

    I have let this slip for a while because I was putting pressure on myself and found it both uncomfortable and unhelpful. Tomorrow is the start of a new month and conceivably a new set of goals but I am not sure if I will list them. Things are so uncertain right now in the home and I am still searching for meaningful work. I think I will take it one step at a time. Listing 10 things to work on during the month is not going to help me at this point.
    This does not take away from the general goal of making this year my Best Year Yet.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 13 cheers 2017-04-16 09:10:55

    I am upset. And I have nowhere to put it so I am putting it here.
    A person on facebook, whom I met on 43 and we were friends online for a long time, messengered me yesterday. I had left a comment on a post of hers and she took offense. According to her, 'a lot of people' had pointed out to her that it was snide. The comment had been left several days ago, and at first we actually exchanged a few lines about it. But there had been plenty of time for them to point that out and she got convinced, I guess. She did not contact me about it in the mean time or anything.
    The comment was not intended to be snide or otherwise nasty but I apologized because I know that written text can come across the wrong way and I explained my real meaning and offered to take the comment down.
    She then accused me of using a fake name online to hide behind. "I mean, what kind of name is that??" Well, it happens to be my name. My real one. I haven't hidden it these past years, not deceiving you now. (It is Ninja. Yes really.)
    I thought it was weird and offensive of her but apologized for my comment again and tried to move on. She kept coming at me about the comment and did not once acknowledge her mistake regarding my name and certainly didn't apologize for it. I went to bed rather upset, and woke up the same.
    This morning I posted a pic of my driver's licence to her comments section, told her I was upset about her lack of apology on that matter, and unfriended her. It didn't feel right to let her have access to my posts and pictures anymore.
    The message I got this morning was 'heh I guess that is your real name then' (still no apology) and that 'obviously' I wasn't sorry at all. I was but that doesn't mean she can continue to offend me that way.
    I am upset. It hurts to be treated that way by someone with whom you've been nothing but friendly over the years. I don't know why she would suspect me of willfully offending her and being a coward at the same time. I ended up blocking her, something I very rarely do.
    ☹

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    • View more replies...
    • ahorrasi
      ahorrasi Doing 2 cheers 2017-04-17 03:47:19

      @citrus sorry you have to go through this. I've found that facebook is a GREAT medium for 'breaking up' with friends with whom weirdness existed beforehand (grudges, tension, etc) but the final 'break-up' usually occurs for a trivial, unreal, or otherwise out-of-left-field reason. I had that happen to me not just with a friend but with a relative. I also witnessed the breach happen between 43things users - and not its weird for them to come back and 'see' each other. It's one reason I've sort of avoided facebooking a lot of ppl from 43things/popclogs because there's something about the conversion that doesn't always work

      in conclusion: there was some weird thing from her towards you, or you guys towards each other, unacknowledged, and this is how it decided to blow up

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    • alysse14
      alysse14 1 cheers 2017-04-17 04:54:02

      @citrus Sorry to read someone made you feel so low, even after you explained your original comment. Sometimes when people get upset over something, they've got their mind made up that they're not forgiving you and no amount of explaining or apologising can fix things. Perhaps you're better off without this person's drama! Also I think, and I believe there are many many many people that would agree, that Ninja is a really cool name 🙂

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    • flowergirl
      flowergirl 3 cheers 2017-04-17 14:59:55

      @citrus You did the right thing by unfriending them... Don't let them get to you, you are not an offensive person. You apologised for the comment, don't let the drama in... Some people just love it as it justifies a rude and irrational response from them... Ignore and don't worry, there are many 43ers who loves ya x

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    • hawkmeister
      hawkmeister 7 cheers 2017-04-17 18:36:43

      @citrus WTF? There are some people who will never be satisfied with an apology (whether earned or not). You're better off without such people cluttering up your life. And... Ninja? I take back everything I ever said about pirates being better than (real) Ninjas. :)

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    • rainbowssparks
      rainbowssparks 3 cheers 2017-04-17 19:55:27

      @citrus Ugh, some people. Can imagine this is upsetting, especially since the other side is so blind to their own part in this. I guess it is better left the way it is now, but still seems like a shame.

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  • citrus
    citrus Doing 15 cheers 2017-03-28 15:40:33

    Update?
    1. Physical health: Lose 12 kilos. That's a whole lotta nope.
    2. Mental health: Find stability. Feeling useless and worthless lately but will persevere with meaning etc.
    3. Financial independence. Noperdinope.
    4. Keep creating. Also a nope although I have started a project on Scrivener to write a book that is constantly playing in my head. It is hard but who knows where it will end up.
    5. Make my house useable. I have been cleaning up and throwing stuff out and that feels pretty good. If it were up to me I'd chuck half our belongings to the street but the man will likely object.
    6. Social stuff. It's okay. I am currently mainly socializing with mothers from school and that's okay.
    7. BYY course. Haven't been working on it too hard. Must get back into it.
    8. Optimal growth for the minions. Easy does it.
    9. Closeness with the man. As his company is about to collapse, we're kind of looking forward to whatever will happen next. Rise from the ashes?
    10. Enjoy & Have fun. I try. I try.

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