• beequeen
    beequeen Doing 2 cheers 2017-05-31 15:50:08

    I can be serious when it is called for and appropriate to be so in any given set of circumstances.

    But PLAY is so important to me. Levity, humor, laughter, flirting.

    I cannot sustain nor condone long periods of austere seriousness that sucks the air out a room or the life out of a situation or a person.

    People come to me, out of that room where there is no air. I abscond away with them and our laughter peals and rollllllls like bells and thunder.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 3 cheers 2017-02-23 16:47:10

    Hmmmmm...........

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 11 cheers 2017-02-17 17:57:19

    OK, so here I am, putting it out there. Again. It never got me kicked off 43 1.0, nor out of Clogville, so, just saying, in the interest of full disclosure, its never been about the goals for me..............LET'S PARTY!

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2.
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0 entries 6 cheers
19/06/2017
1 entries 5 cheers
19/06/2017
  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-19 20:59:58

    I want to recreate the creative/studio space I have at home. I have been thinking about renting a space but that's just not a viable option for me right now.

    I had a LOT more space in the home I used to have and downsizing my creative space since I moved has been a challenge, but needs must.

    I have an Ikea drafting table (not a big Ikea fan...I am convinced planned obsolescence is a built in feature of their products.....but it was given to me) in the corner of my bedroom right now that serves as "studio" along with a large cedar chest containing some of my supplies. I think I need to rearrange the bedroom somehow.....but....how?

    I REALLY really love the space in this picture.......that's my kind of work space. I actually have about 1/3 of that much space to work with, about half my bedroom space. I do have a lot of natural light. I need more storage space though. Currently many of my supplies are on the drafting table taking up a lot of space.

    1) Consider the most optimal usage of space
    2) Consider moving the bed and the desk

    Hmmmmmm.....work in progress....

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3 entries 5 cheers
15/06/2017
5.
Muse-ic 2 people are doing this
11 entries 3 cheers
02/06/2017
  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-08 16:22:30

    Its been right at the bottom of my shoulderblades for several years now. All one length. (I cannot deal with layers and bangs, drives me nuts.) I'd like to try to get it to the middle of my back again. It grows much slower nowadays, so, we'll see.........Photo is not me, but very like. My hair is a little bit lighter, but same length and naturally wavy.

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8.
Celebrate ART 3 people are doing this
47 entries 20 cheers
09/03/2017
  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 20:35:05

    Gaiman worked with many artists on this series including Dave McKean, Sam Keith, Mike Dringenberg, Dave Stewart and Todd Klein to name but a few. Every volume was a delight for the senses. If you like graphic novels, I highly recommend this series.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 20:26:28

    The Sandman Series and The Endless are great art. From story to story board.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 20:25:14

    Neil says hey, by the way.....................

    Graphic novel series, The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. I love this series. It runs the gamut: love, lust, history, myth, philosophy, art, religion, war, family, a myriad of cultures, Earth, not Earth, dead, alive, people, animals, otherworldy beings, poetry, anima, animus, literature, music, color, story......story........story...........and of course, The Endless.

    "The main character of The Sandman is Dream, also known as Morpheus and other names, who is one of the seven Endless. The other Endless are Destiny, Death, Desire, Despair, Delirium–who was once Delight–and Destruction–who turned his back on his duties. The series is famous for Gaiman's trademark use of anthropomorphic personification of various metaphysical entities, while also blending mythology and history...." (from Wikipedia)

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-20 19:50:12

    Mixed media, Sanjay Dhawan...gorgeous color.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 19:48:58

    Fiber sculpture by Sanjay Dhawan

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 16:28:12

    HOME

    I am not an overly sentimental or nostalgic person with a few exceptions, one being the place where I was raised, where my people come from.
    (After they migrated from the UK and Scandinavia, to Canada, then here.)

    Our kin settled here after the Revolution. We have been here as a family for about 230 years. I find that remarkable and it is one of my greatest sources of pride. There has never been a time when some of us were not here. Other families come and go, or die out, β€œimplants” come and go and claim to be β€œlocal β€œif they stay more than a minute, but they are not local like my tribe are local. We are 13, maybe 14 generations local, baby! Just sayin’. 🙂

    My siblings and I were lucky enough to be raised here, to grow up with this profound sense of place, and then to be a part of this very large and deeply rooted family. At one point in my life, there were 5 generations of us living!! I knew of few other families that had that privilege, that kind of rich family life. It saved us, my siblings and I; I have alluded to the fact that one of our parents was an addict and that that part of our life was often very, very hard. This family held us close though. It made all the difference.

    I left as a younger woman to gallivant (chronic wanderlust, gypsy soul) and then to study. I always thought I’d end up travelling forever, but this place has an allure like no other place I have ever been, however intoxicating those other places were. I suppose it is in large part due to the very deep roots I have here, but it is also because it is sublimely, breathtakingly beautiful year round, no matter the season. I am glad to be back. I am glad to be home.

    We aren’t as close as we once were, and the family is smaller now; fewer family gatherings, fewer children born, and we have had our own disapora as many families have nowadays. But wow………what a history we have. I believe it stands all of us in good stead.

    I started a project, writing family history and anecdotes for the kids in my immediate family……………………….its a labor of love.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 3 cheers 2017-06-20 20:57:31

    Does cursing or swearing offend you? Does the "F" word offend you?

    It only offends me if people use it to hurt me, or others. If it is used as a verbal weapon.

    I do think people should be careful with their language around children, or others who may be offended by cursing, in other words, know your audience, but on the whole it does not offend me. How about you?

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    • anne89
      anne89 Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-21 18:31:12

      @beequeen it depends on the kind of swearing. Most of the swearing I hear are just crude words like shit and fuck and I don't mind them and I use them myself. (both in Dutch and English)

      one thing I find highly offensive though is saying goddamnit in Dutch. Probably because I was raised a christian, I can't even type the translation of that, it feels too wrong. hearing it feels like a slap in the face! For some reason I don't care that much hearing it in English, though I wouldn't use it myself.

      then there's one thing some Dutch people do, which is cursing with diseases. This I also find offensive. It's one thing to hear a crude word, it's quite another to have deadly diseases hurled at you. I would never do this, even in a rage of anger, it's just so distasteful. :(
      But luckily I am hardly ever at the receiving end of these curses. Last time was maybe half a year ago when some 12 year old boy yelled KANKERHOER at me, which means "cancer whore". !!! pffff

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    • heartfilledminds
      heartfilledminds Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-21 20:23:59

      @anne89 I curse with illnesses all the time, but only with the ones I have because you gotta laugh at life right?

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    • israfel
      israfel Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-23 09:19:29

      @beequeen it's not exactly offensive,it depends on the environment I suppose as to whether or not it is appropriate. When I was working away for long periods of time I would find myself cursing more often than when I was around civilization. Now I just find cursing in public to be boorish.

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    • rainbowssparks
      rainbowssparks 1 cheers 2017-06-23 12:43:06

      @beequeen Not at all, but I do think there is a difference between cursing because things go wrong, or cursing at somebody calling them whatever. I don't do that last thing, not directly, I may say to somebody else that person X is a complete (enter swearword of choice), but not with this person present. When somebody curses at me like that I just am done with that person instantly, no more room for communication and basically they are out of my life. It does get to me though, need to let that go.

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    • ahorrasi
      ahorrasi Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-25 03:55:15

      @beequeen funny you should ask the question bc i am thinking of making it a July goal, stop cussing/swearing, etc.

      my whole thing is, i do it waaaaay too much, and have done it since i was like 5 years old (literally, lol, prob the thing i was MOST punished about as a child)

      I want to stop because
      1) it would be a new and novel thing for me to attempt
      2) it DOES inev. offend others and why make life more difficult for yourself by offending others?
      3) there's a sense in which i guess in some sort of metaphysical sense you're crapping on yourself by saying crappy things. It's an idea i got the one time i attempted to STOP - i noticed that i managed to get less rageful and frustrated by stuff when i REFUSED to label whatever was happening with ugly words. The experiment failed of course but i would if only for that reason

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-19 14:21:35

    I marvel and wonder at the strength of that wisp of a girl. (Even now that she is older.)

    She was all of 18, living in a rooming house in a European city where she didn’t speak the language and knew no one except a few neighbors, while her neglectful and abusive new husband lived on base nearby and rarely visited. Her first child was coming six weeks earlier than expected!! He got lost on his way to the hospital, that husband. She spent all of that driving time praying and sitting with her shins under her, knees open and balancing on her toes, bracing herself on the dash and the back of the car seat to avoid sitting on my head which was already crowning.

    I was born 26 minutes after they arrived at the hospital. I came FAST. She said she was very scared en route that she was going to have to deliver me in the car without a doctor present. I am glad for her that she didn’t have to.
    She liked the big army doctor who delivered me; she has always said he was as kind as he was large. (Six foot five-ish, huge hands. She said seeing me in his hands was at once reassuring and comical as I was barely 5lbs.)

    I have seen many pictures of her when she was younger, at or around the age of my birth. She was SO tiny! But so strong. Mighty! She still is.

    I am really fortunate to be hers, and she mine.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-19 12:33:14

    Inspired by something Anne said to me (I'll let her tell it) I got to wondering.....

    What's YOUR birth story? Share some or all if you care to. I'll share mine later. (In other words.....do you know much about the actual day and set of circumstances your Mother birthed you?)

    Picture is from the Hubble telescope, birth of a star.

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    • taylor
      taylor Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-19 20:24:55

      @beequeen I don't know the whole story, though I know my dad wasn't there either -- had to work, I'm told. I know they eloped to either North or South Dakota less than nine months before I was born. Mom told me last year that she was writing the story of her life, so maybe I'll find out some day if she doesn't gloss over it.

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    • beequeen
      beequeen Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-19 20:35:39

      @taylor

      Hey that's pretty cool, or "kewl" as Shelley would say LOL that your Momma is writing the story of her life!

      "Gloss over it" ha ha ha......yeah, people do have a tendency to do so, don't they?

      They eloped......see, that's way more romantic to me. At this point in my life I would elope. Actually at any point in my life I would have, if I'd ever wanted to marry any of them! Ha ha ha!!! The whole princess white wedding thing has never appealed to me. Its a little over the top. I'd like for me and my intended to elope to some splendid outdoor venue, tie the knot with some strangers witnessing, then just come back and throw a big party where the only gifts people bring are themselves. Yeeeehawwwww!

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      • taylor
        taylor Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 14:30:54

        @beequeen Thanks. I'm not sure whether their elopement was romantic or practical, as in, he's an aging (35) bachelor from a prominent family who got a younger divorcee from the other side of town pregnant, so they'd better make it legal quietly out of state.

        I like your idea for a wedding, though. Kinda wish we'd done it that way. (BTW, we just celebrated 33 years married.)

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        • beequeen
          beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-20 16:02:49

          @taylor Yes, I saw that elsewhere! (The 33 years.) That's remarkable. I can only imagine the kind of intimacy that comes from a relationship of that longevity. I know that's a lot of work too. I hope to meet someone with whom I can embark on such a journey.................

          Congratulations!

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      • anne89
        anne89 Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-20 16:10:31

        my grandparents weren't amused but I am! xD">

        @beequeen my uncle got married to my aunt without telling anyone beforehand. they were abroad and they sent a picture of themselves with both of them wearing normal clothes, except my aunt wearing a voile curtain on her head, holding a plant from the window sill. "surprise we got married!" lmao my grandparents weren't amused but I am! xD

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    • heartfilledminds
      heartfilledminds Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-21 20:32:15

      @beequeen basically my mom was already ill and in hospital. My heart stopped and so they did an emergency c-section. For some reason my dad convinced the doctors to let him in the OR (which isn't allowed ever in life-or-death stuff), him being ex-marine probably having to do something with it. He got to cut my umbilical cord even, before doctors moved me away to get my heart veating and everything.

      Funny part is that because I was 2 months early my parents had only decided on a name a few days earlier. So with my mom still in the hospital my dad had to go and register me.

      He comes back to the hospital and shows my mom the birth certificate and he chose the wrong name xD. So they had to change my name after a few days, which is quite expensive.

      I also looked like a frozen turkey. I s2G that's what my baby photos look like :P

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    • ahorrasi
      ahorrasi Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-25 04:00:58

      @beequeen mine were not great - my dad was sort of AWOL, my grandmother (my mum's mum) was in her last month of life from a raging metastasizing cancer, and oh yes, we had no $ because #1

      i think the birth itself was fairly standard, push-it-out kind of stuff though. No weird illness or anything

      there's a photo of my mum leaving the hospital the day after I was born and she looked like she had the worst headache that anybody had ever invented - two 11's on her forehead etched with an axe.

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    • israfel
      israfel Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-25 10:33:01

      @beequeen I know it was a snowy spring day(8:35am)when I was born. And dad got a puppy(Ringo)and brought him home on the same day I came home from the hospital. And I still love dogs! Have two sleeping on me as I write this.

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 4 cheers 2017-06-05 21:22:00

    1) Do you have friends in your life that you have known for a long time?

    1a) How long have you known your dearest friend?

    2) Do you cultivate new friendships regularly?

    3) Have you had to let go of some friendships?

    Me:

    1) Yes! I have known several for 40 plus years, and some 20 plus years. (From elementary school and growing up, then from travel abroad or college.) Those relationships are amazing. To literally grow up with someone, from the time you are children together, or to have met years ago and kept the friendship alive....what a gift to have sustained those relationships thru time and change.....I have no words. Its just remarkable. A blessing.

    1a) 43 years!!! &#xsmile;

    2) Yes, I do cultivate new friendships too. Though I am very private; only people I really trust and respect come into the "inner circle" and become a regular part of my life. I also have a wide circle of acquaintances whose company I enjoy too. When I want company. LOL

    3) Yes, unfortunately. Each time (there have been only three I had to metaphorically jettison out the pod bay doors) it was because they violated my trust beyond the point of no return.

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    • taylor
      taylor Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-06 20:44:51

      Good question, @beequeen !
      1) Do you have friends in your life that you have known for a long time?

      Not so much from growing up and college, but I have a lot of friendships from work over the last 30+ years.

      1a) How long have you known your dearest friend?

      Aside from my wife, who I've known 35 years, a very dear friend dates back 30 years.

      2) Do you cultivate new friendships regularly?

      Yes. We had to move to a new city about 8 years ago and had to build a whole new local friendship network. In the last year, we've made many more new friends who we've become very close with.

      3) Have you had to let go of some friendships?
      Yes. My best friend from high school after he acted horribly toward my future wife. It was hard then, but looking back it was absolutely the best decision to make a break.

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      • beequeen
        beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-07 15:28:51

        @taylor

        Good answers thanks! :)

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        • taylor
          taylor Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-08 21:55:26

          @beequeen I'm glad that you have such long-lasting friendships. They must be a real joy to you. Do you live near where you grew up? My mom stayed in one city most of her life, and has some very long friendships, though she's also outliving many of them. I sometimes think about old friends from childhood and wonder where they are today, but think contacting them again might be awkward. And frankly, my life is very full now with current friends, and I'm not sure where I'd find the time.

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          • beequeen
            beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-12 14:17:16

            @taylor

            Hi Taylor, thank you!

            I moved back to the place I grew up a few years ago. Most of the people I "rekindled" older friendships with I am on a acquaintance/casual social basis, with the exception of the few that I kept in touch with all the years I lived away, with whom I have remained close. Those long term relationships are indeed a great source of joy. As are those I met in my travels over nearly a quarter century travelling and living elsewhere. I still keep in touch with a handful of them too, some nearly 25 years after we met as carefree youths backpacking Europe at the same time, or in college years.

            I understand the time constraint, and the desire to relish time with what is tried and true. Some old school friends have tried to connect with me more intimately vs. just casually social, but I am content for some relationships to remain acquaintanceships. They have their place in social structure too, and I do reciprocate when I feel I truly "click" with someone and make an effort to cultivate a new friendship where I find a real one.

            Many of my elderly relatives here have never lived elsewhere and they have friendships and relationships spanning entire lifetimes, like your mother. It is remarkable. I think it takes an equal but different sort of strength of character to stay rooted in one place all your life rather than be mobile as I have. Each path has sacrifices and blessings specific to both choices. I feel like I have had the best of both worlds, really.

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            • taylor
              taylor Doing 0 cheers 2017-06-12 19:31:56

              @beequeen I suppose FB would be the place to rekindle some of those old, old acquaintances, but I'm not really on FB as myself. Several years ago my wife and I joined but we put both our names on the account (first first last last) - her's first. We initially used it to keep up with friends from the place we moved away from 8 years ago, a lot of them my friends from work. Since then, we've added some mutual friends, but she's added many from a FB fan group she's very involved with. So she's kind of taken over the account. I'd start my own account, but don't relish running into old "friends" including the one I had to sever a relationship with, who I know is friends with my brother. Also, I have kind of a public job, and don't want potential enemies looking me up that way. Do I recall correctly that you eschew FB and the like? If so, how do you deal with people who want to be online friends?

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              • beequeen
                beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-13 14:11:37

                @taylor

                There are people here on 43 that I look forward to interacting with when I log on, like you, but I don't have an online presence as such. (This and Pinterest are it. And I don't interact at Pinterest, I go to get art and food ideas. I don't use my real name there either.)

                Yeah, I tried FB last year for about a month. It wasn't my thing.

                I am very old school. I abhor the way tech interaction has taken the place for most people of real bonafide face to face, heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul presence with other people. I feel surrounded by armies of distracted people. Its offensive to me to see so very many people with their attention CONSTANTLY tuned in to their "devices" and tuned out to what is going on around them. Especially parents, and drivers. One of the children in my life said to me a while ago that he liked spending time with me because I wasn't like his mom and other adults because I wasn't on my phone all the time. Out of the mouths of babes, eh?

                Like you, I also have a very public job, as well as a sibling in the entertainment industry, so online I like to keep a low profile anyway.

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                • taylor
                  taylor Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-13 19:27:41

                  @beequeen I think personal presence (physically and mindfully) is always preferable to being distracted by screens. I'm so glad you have that in your life! In defense of FB, I will say that the social network has enabled my wife and me to make some wonderful friendships with people across the country -- and have some really great in-person experiences that would not have been possible otherwise. We have two trips to Chicago planned in the next two months to get together with these friends. Will there be a lot of annoying group selfies? Probably. But seeing my wife blossom around her friends makes me so happy, especially after several years when her health kept her socially isolated.

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                  • beequeen
                    beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-06-16 16:27:51

                    @taylor I like to hear those kinds of FB anecdotes. It gives me faith that it has inherent value and can indeed add to the quality of peoples lives. Hope you and your wife have a great time in Chicago Taylor!

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    • MayKasaharawithalongtail
      MayKasaharawithalongtail Doing 2 cheers 2017-06-07 05:59:33

      @beequeen



      1. Yes, three of them



      2. Friend A - 43 years
        Friend B - 40 years
        Friend C - 38 years


      3. I prefer to let untrustworthy ones sink to the bottom without my having to give them the boot getting there. But occasionally, I have offered a bit of boot. I like to think it was mutual boot, but I never looked back to find out. πŸ™‚ :-)

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  • beequeen
    beequeen Doing 12 cheers 2017-05-18 16:49:49

    If you are a parent, did you always know that you wanted children?

    I'd like to hear your story, and here's mine:

    I have never wanted to be a parent. Ever. I don't dislike children, in fact love some very much. I am supportive of family life (when created and sustained responsibly and with love and support by any kind of familial structure that works for those involved) and think pregnant women are truly beautiful, and that good parenting, by men and women alike, is noble. But I have never wanted any of that. It has always been enough for me to be a good sister, friend, auntie. I firmly believe in that adage that "it takes a village" to raise a child, and have been actively engaged in the lives of the children who are a part of my life. That has always been enough for me. (On the old 43 another gal had a goal "Achieve Favored Auntie Status" that I joined.....worth it!!! &#xsmile; )I have never felt that I missed out in any way by not becoming a parent.

    In my childbearing years people always kept asking: "WHEN are you going to have kids???" and then now people say "Oh, why did you never have children?". I know people mean well, and they often mean to be complimentary, but I find both statements judgmental. First of all, each question makes the assumption or value judgement that I SHOULD have had children, because of perceived biological or biblical imperative or cultural standards, I dunno. Second of all, with all due respect to parents and children everywhere, one less woman having a child or many children in an overpopulated world ought to be seen as what it is for many like myself: a conscious, responsible choice. I decided not to have children, I did not just find myself here by accident. Not to mention that there are already so many here deserving of the love, support and nurturing I have to give, and millions more who never get any of that from anyone, as populations continue to explode.

    I'd like for people who make this choice consciously to be as well respected as people who consciously choose its opposite. There are those women out there who deserve sympathy or empathy if they wanted kids and didn't get to have them, however, I am not one of them. I'd ask people to consider this the next time they question a woman about not having children. (And also consider that if she cannot have children but wants them that the question may be invasive and too personal for her, no matter how well intentioned you may be.) I'd also like this choice to, at the very least, garner more respect than the unconscious and irresponsible act of procreation whose end result is children who suffer because those that created them cannot or will not care for them in the manner that anyone brought into the world thru no choice of their own deserves.

    Anyway, that's my story. What's yours?

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    • wyverndust
      wyverndust Doing 6 cheers 2017-05-20 04:34:43

      @beequeen A psychic once told me that I was supposed to have had 3 children. My first husband really wanted kids. I wasn't ready. Glad we didn't have children. I remember he said, "I guess I won't be having children with my wife." And he said it as if he planned to have children with someone else.

      Once I decided that I wanted to be a mother, my body developed some issues. It isn't possible for me to become pregnant. It's ok. My current partner does not want children. We are getting closer to 50, and I understand. It's for the best.

      My nephew is 17 and does not need me the way he did when he was younger. This was tough for me, as it was lovely to spoil him all those years.

      I care for a 5 year old dog now.

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      • Airos
        Airos Done 1 cheers 2017-05-20 19:39:06

        @wyverndust So much for psychics, once again.

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      • beequeen
        beequeen Doing 2 cheers 2017-05-23 15:48:21

        @wyverndust Hi Wy! As you mentioned, in your post, there are ways for those of us with a natural capacity for nurturing to find ways and people with whom to express it, and to nurture others. I bonded with you years ago on the original 43 over our love for our nephews. I hear ya, they may not "need" us in the same ways anymore, but wow, babe, have we been there when it counted and they will be all the better for that throughout their lives, of this I have no doubt. We are blessed to be part of their "village". xo

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        • wyverndust
          wyverndust Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-24 02:14:25

          @beequeen big hug. My 17 year old little nephew got his first vehicle last weekend. So excited and scared for him. I know he will be careful. More hugs to you.

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    • Airos
      Airos Done 2 cheers 2017-05-20 19:38:30

      @beequeen Thanks for this question, I feel closer to all those who took the time to answer.

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    • ahorrasi
      ahorrasi Doing 2 cheers 2017-05-24 02:48:34

      @beequeen YAY!!! Thanks for this post! I am very anti having kids, and until recently i was anti kids, period (IE the little beasts making noise and messes in public places... i have mellowed out re that)

      I literally have had a PHOBIA of this metastasizing mass inside my body that would eventually pop out to trap me in a life of indentured servitude... needless to say I have never had a strong maternal instinct, lol....

      at some pt after 30 I stopped being asked that, thankfully, but it was most irritating to me when i was young as 13 years old, resolute that that 'disgusting thing' would never happen to me. It's infuriating and even violating, if you ask me, prodding a 13 year old girl about "yeah one day you'll see, you'll have yourself a couple of hearty kids" (then again, at 13 i thought I'd never have sex also and ...)

      i'm basically 40 now and nothing has changed. I have mellowed out re kid phobia and if for some reason i got knocked up (doubt it) I speculate as to what would happen if I just went through with it which is leagues mroe than i was even capable of in the past. That's my version of the biological clock I guess, lol. But if for some reason i have the weird yearning desire to breed in the next 5 or so years, i have the awareness that it's the last desperate gasp of the unused equipment, and no actual sign as to my actual willingness and fitness re motherhood

      Reply Report
      • beequeen
        beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-24 15:27:20

        @ahorrasi

        Its such a personal choice, and no one should be shamed for not wanting it. Choosing not to is a responsible decision. Its more responsible than bringing children into the world you cannot provide for, which happens ALL the time.

        I do love the kiddles in my life soooo much, but it was not my path to be their parent. Auntie and friend is enough. That is my contribution.

        "The last desperate gasp of the unused equipment...." LOL You're too funny! That reminded me of those times when my womb was telling me "BREED!! BREED!!!" but my mind was like, "Uh, ummmmm.......NO." LOL You can't escape the physiological response, but you don't have to do it just because you can.

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        • ahorrasi
          ahorrasi Doing 0 cheers 2017-05-26 01:03:49

          @beequeen i have to wonder how much worse the misguided biological nonsense gets??? will it grow exponentially after 40, 41?

          not really worried about changing my mind per se, but at times when there's a huge disconnect between the mind/will and the body, the body will orchestrate ludicrous circumstances that force its agenda upon you

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          • beequeen
            beequeen Doing 0 cheers 2017-05-30 15:35:43

            @ahorrasi

            Do you mean your own body, or the comments of others who presume to educate you on your biological/biblical etc imperative?

            As far as your own body....hmmmmmmm....can't answer that for ya. I would guess the bio response is different for all of us.

            If you meant the comments of others, in my experience it has lessened with time, but there will always be the ignoramus or the holier-than-thou who feels compelled to judge.

            Reply Report
    • MayKasaharawithalongtail
      MayKasaharawithalongtail Doing 2 cheers 2017-05-28 05:34:53

      @beequeen I did not particularly like children in young adulthood and still, many years later, have no universal love of them. I do not think babies are cute or winsome. Most people do and would be horrified to hear me talk like this.
      I see unthinkably talented little ones - pianists, dancers, singers - and wonder what went wrong that I did not or could not follow a path like that when I was young. It is selfish thinking.
      Even more selfishly, I did not wish to miss the opportunity to whelp. I did not want to feel left out, regretful.

      That someone with such solipsistic attitude could produce a delightful, healthy puppy is totally amazing. It is better than winning the lottery. It must be pure luck and blessings. I wanted to be the best parent in the world because of that gift.

      It is said that the best gift parents can give a child is their happiness - that is, to let their child know how much happiness he or she has brought.
      Finally, something I am good at. It is easy! Not a split second of regret! And I have learned a lot about being unselfish - something that would not have come naturally, otherwise.

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      • beequeen
        beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-30 15:12:45

        @MayKasaharawithalongtail

        I so agree with that adage that one of the best gifts anyone raising children can give is their own happiness.

        Glad you didn't miss your opportunity to "whelp"! LOL It sounds like you made the right decision for yourself. Thank you for your response!

        (And for using solipsistic; being a word nerd, I love it when people use "big words" and creative vocabulary!)

        Reply Report
    • tigerwoman
      tigerwoman Doing 2 cheers 2017-05-29 21:51:58

      @beequeen Great womanly discussion ! I support each woman's choice and everyone's journey is different. It is all good.

      I had very mixed feelings about motherhood until I was in my thirties. I felt like I was still a child, ill equipped for the job. I'd been raised by an abusive mother and felt like I lacked any model or reference. I could not picture myself in that role at all. I was also very content with my freedom, a very fun urban young adult lifestyle, and was not ready to give it up.

      Also, I'd grown up knowing two women who had chosen to not have children and were (and still are) very happy and fulfilled in their lives. They fully took advantage of their situation to do things they would not have done otherwise. From a young age, I'd known that choosing to NOT have children was just as equally an option as choosing to have them.

      But things shifted in my thirties. There was a process of healing my childhood, reclaiming my power and defining new rules with my mother, and things of that nature. And suddenly I could confidently picture myself in the role. My husband was delighted with this change. And we had a son whom we are both crazy about.

      Like @MayKasaharawithalongtail said, It feels like winning the lottery and a constant opportunity for unselfishness. I find myself loving it and have no regret for my old life whatsoever. That being said, there are many other ways to feel and share love, it's really up to each woman to walk her own journey

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      • beequeen
        beequeen Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-30 15:25:49

        @tigerwoman

        That's great that as a girl you knew of women who had fulfilling lives despite not choosing motherhood. I think that is important to have that as role modeling, as important as knowing those who did. I wish that for all young girls.........so none have to grow up thinking somethings "wrong" with them if they do not.

        I like what you said about there being other ways to share love; absolutely! I have always found ways to share my nurturing spirit. And truly, it is up to each woman to walk her own path. It irks me terribly when other women shame or belittle or dismiss women who have not chosen to have children. When I was younger I was gracious about it or ignored it. Not so much anymore. If someone is gonna dress me down for not being a "real woman", they better be prepared for my response. LOL

        Reply Report
        • tigerwoman
          tigerwoman Doing 1 cheers 2017-05-30 18:24:45

          @beequeen Hear hear sister ! Whenever that whole 'real' womanhood argument is brought about, I take it as a sign I need to run away from that person. This is not the mentality of someone I want to be around, thank you very much

          Reply Report
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5 entries 27 cheers
15/02/2017
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