seen this question 20 times now, still can't answer it
whatever shows up, really
i spend 99% of my time thinking about:
how to do better $ wise, how much I'm stuffing it up (stuffing what up? well, pretty much anything you can think of), Someone Special (generally J), and whether or not I'm actually dying or actually pretty OK after all
overheard some kids talking and the ever-present question in a young lady' mind is "how can I tell if ____ fancies me?" it was fun and nostalgic to overhear and recall that mindstate again
but that's a fine random question how do you know if someone loves you or crushes on you, etc? and what is a good story from when you realized that so&so liked you, etc?
@ahorrasi Damned if I know.
@ahorrasi it's the hearteyes!
@anne89 so they send you lots of emoticons!
@ahorrasi when I was younger, my mother told me that if a boy teased me or picked on me that meant that he fancied me. Mostly it was true back then. I wonder if the mean boss I have who yells at me likes me so that's why he picks on me. probably not!
@wyverndust lol, funny idea!
It used to be easier to be able to tell. Now, sometimes, other people have to spell it out for me, which makes me laugh. When I can still pick up on the signals its because of body language, or level of attentiveness, etc. I am also not as proficient a flirt as I used to be, flirting with intent that is. I can still flirt generally, non sexually, ie, without intent, to beat the band. I guess it is another instance of what you don't use you lose. I haven't been dating much the last few years. A lil out of practice, I guess......
I was out somewhere recently and it did occur to me that the man sitting next to me at the table was in a state of arousal/attraction/agitation because of my physical proximity. He was very attractive and I was flattered and probably would have flirted with intent were it not for the wedding band on his finger. If he'd been absent of that ring I think things would have progressed rather quickly as I fantasized all evening about straddling him. LOLOLOL (That might be TMI for some of you, but hey, we're all sexual beings, ain't we?)
@ahorrasi pre-technology the signs were when someone would create and inside joke with you and find excuses to "bump into you." Today's signs? I really don't know.
What's new with you?
@ahorrasi I, too, am cleaning. I am also throwing out collected/useless stuff in a cloak-and-dagger manner. I do not want permission and I do not want to justify it either.
@MayKasaharawithalongtail i get you
@ahorrasi I saw NIN play Monday night and my mind is still blown. Now I'm sipping wine and waiting for husband to get out of the shower so we can catch up on Preacher. The show isn't that good but we're too far in to quit now.
@WingedThing that's cool as shit
@ahorrasi I enjoy watching Preacher. I have never missed an episode. There are parts of it that I dislike, but the backstory is very interesting about Jesse's maternal relatives.
@ahorrasi Spending the weekend cleaning the basement. Actually making progress.
@collectorofcats congrats!! it's great when you get to the pt where you actually SEE progress
@ahorrasi well traveling more with work, getting heavier work load with more responsibilities. Getting healthy and kicking an idea around for a sideline creative business that I can do in my own time.
@Andia wow sounds super dynamic :D
@ahorrasi I have a dog now. It's a lot of work.
if nobody minds getting glum for a moment, it would be interesting and helpful to me if you could recall
1) the last time you mourned the loss fo someone, or someone broke your heart
2) how long till you were MENDED, fixed, over it
3) what sorts of things helped you cope
@ahorrasi 1) My mother-in-law died about 15 months ago after a long battle with cancer.
2) Several months, though still not over it. In many ways, I was closer to her than I am to my own mother. Over the years she certainly became a bigger part of my daily life than my own mother.
3) Knowing she's at peace and reunited with her husband after being in a lot of pain is a big comfort. Prayer. Work. And the Cubs finally winning the World Series, because she was a huge Cubs fan.
@taylor that is true, knowing ppl are in a better place, or the appropriate place for them helps
am very sorry for your loss :(
@ahorrasi, i was obsessed with this guy once and he cheated on me and i saw him talking to this other girl when we went to a pub together and a wave of red anger came over me and i literally put my hands round his throat and tried to strangle him. Im really whimpy and calm and full of rainbows and kittens usually so this was very out of character and didnt hurt him but now i completely understand crimes of passion. I literally just became red with rage. He just wasnt the right guy for me, thats all. Now i am grateful for all the good times we had together and happy i found my lovely french farmer.
@Souvenir i hadn't seen this reply before and am very sorry because it is very interesting. Part of me is sorry this happened to you but part of me thinks it was a good experience because it no doubt showed you an aspect of your own character/psychology that you had not seen before, if that makes any sense
We (my tribe) lost three of our elders this last winter, one right after the other. By the time the third one passed I was surprised to have any tears left to cry. I felt so tired from the weight of grief for a few weeks.
As far as getting over it...well....death is part of life. Its never easy to lose a loved one, but there is no alternative but to move on among the living, which is what your loved ones would ultimately want for you anyway. They live on thru us, so it behooves us to carry on.
I have a myriad of coping skills, from this large family, to a circle of friends, to yoga, to exercise, to art, to meditation, to long walks......long baths, reading, writing, cooking/baking, music......all manner of things that lift me or absorb me.
@beequeen so sorry for your loss :(
funny i was just thinking about that this morning, about how we just need to get used to and come to terms with death/dying and how a lot of what's killing the planet is the sick and bizarre human fixation on survival at all cost
Yes, true....that and the fixation on retaining youth or on looks in general, but that's really more of a Western and Western-influenced obsession methinks. I was watching TV with some of the kids in the family recently, at their house. I rarely see regular TV because I don't have TV at home, just a TV that serves as a monitor for when I get films from the library once in a while. Point being that I rarely see current TV shows or advertisements. So, I am sitting there watching this insipid show with them, that as kids they like, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what was weird and off putting about what I was seeing on the show and on all the ads. Then, it hit me: everybody looked SO artificial. This is what the rest of the world sees of America, as our pop (TV, movies, music) culture travels the globe. That artifice. And its what so many Americans buy into as well. That artificial "reality".
I was freaked out by how freakish the people on TV looked................I miss the days when people looked real.
@beequeen i know what you mean!!! the first time it realy struck me the truth of that (american tv fakery) was when i started watching lots of brit TV on netflix and saw wow, real looking ppl, not ness. 'young' or 'hot' or what have you, in real roles IE having romances, etc. It was a reelation - it made me want to move there for sure
@ahorrasi It makes me sad that people all over the world think that is who we (Americans) all are. Or most of us. I mean, at one time Baywatch was the most popular TV show in the world.
Oh God, I need to step off this soap box now or I'll ramble ad nauseum. LOL
@ahorrasi I was friendship-dumped by someone I was extremely close with for over 15 years. It was a shocking surprise, done for a cruel reason in a careless way.
It took me several years to stop having nightmares about the betrayal, and another several years to stop having wish fulfillment dreams that she forgave me and wanted to be friends again. 10 years later, I'm much less traumatized by it than I was, and just a little sad and bewildered by my own ability to not see for 15 years what a selfish person she was. I healed by crying a lot, and letting time work it's magic and dull the pain.
It typically takes me forever to get over a broken heart.
Some things I never get over or I'm still working on.
I'm a work in progress. ;)
For grief of a person I think that if you let yourself feel what you need to feel when you feel it. You will heal in a healthier way. Rather than trying not to feel sad or not to miss them.
If that makes any sense.
Music helps me cope with those types of things! :)
@rosewilder I went through a friendship loss too. It makes me wonder how I was to blind to what others could plainly see. When I look back at this persons life and see the trail of disasters they have left behind I see it in a whole new light now, not them as the victim but them as the manipulator now.
@Andia It's great that you can see it from the right perspective now.
@rosewilder ugh that sounds so horrible i cannot imagine anyone doing that to you of all ppl you seem so nice
@ahorrasi Thank you so much- what a lovely thing to say. It was heartbreaking.
@ahorrasi well I have had 3 major losses and each effected me differently.
The loss of a loved one through death made me revisit all the " I should haves" and regrets of not more time spent together. I finally had to let it go and make up my mind to not allow this to happen again. Still things pop up and the longing to speak with that person now arises but the deep sadness has lifted. This took a few months. Death I can accept easier due to we cannot control that.
A heartbreak of spouse took me longer due to dealing with all the mis-trust, self doubt, brokenness, lost dreams along with recovery of losing someone you loved. I took 3 years before I dated again. I didn't trust others or myself. I was so lost at the time and had to rebuild my self-worth and trust in my decision making. Plus I was listening to a friend that was misdirecting the healing process by looking at their own past they had not healed from. Be cautious who you allow into your grief.
Then the loss of a friendship. This person was not a good person but I could not see it until I moved them into my home. Once there my eyes were opened to what the person really was. Then it was too late. I had ignored the inner voice saying "don't do it" by thinking I needed to help this person. Others had seen it but I thought they just didn't understand the person. And this is what friends do right? Help one another when down? In this I am still healing from the anger of it. It has been 4 months so far. This however reconfirmed we do need to trust the inner voice more. I have it there I just need to quit pressing the override button.
In all instances writing helps me heal. New experiences helped me heal. Getting involved with programs that support helped heal. Helping others helped heal. Music helped heal. My bible and my relationship and trust in God helped heal. There wasn't just one thing but a combination of things.
@Andia " Be cautious who you allow into your grief." this is a really good point
shocking how many people are damaged by bad, toxic friends! THis is the 3rd story of a bad friend i read here
how are you doing in re. infamous New Years Resolutions, or whatever pet project/goal/resolution you've formulated thus far? And what is if, it if can be shared?
@ahorrasi procrastination and distraction are winning here at pancake villa, but I am going to get things done, somehow
@wyverndust boy i know the feeling
@ahorrasi Hmm, many of my goals are longterm, so not noticing much difference yet, but still believe I can make them work before the year ends. Do need to step my game up and give myself a kick under the butt.
@ahorrasi I have a 349 day streak on Duolingo, I only have 20 more Disney movies to watch, and I'm down about 5 pounds (of the 10 I want to lose).
@spyrunner 349 day streak!!!!! mamma mia!!!!!!
what was the most memorable thing that happened to you yesterday, or in the past 24 hours?
@ahorrasi Memory is a funny thing, studied it in university. Usually we remember emotionally charged events in our lives, and often incorrectly.
I am pretty sure I will remember the client meeting I had last night on one of my jobs and how I had bad news regarding their budget and how I turned it around and saved it and shifted the client's mindset. If on Monday they get back to me and cancel the job, then . . . depends on the outcome. Either way, that was my most emotionally charged event of the last 24 hours and likely the one that will stick in my memory.
@ahorrasi I went to lunch with a friend. We're 20 years apart in age, but she gets me and I her in a way that few do. We hugged this time, which has never happened before, because we're both kind of restrictive about our body space.
@ahorrasi I received an email from NARAL Pro Choice Massachusetts about volunteering for Chocolate Madness in Boston, MA. At the Boston Cyclorama. In late April 2017. This was an event I volunteered in 2008-2009 back when I was pro-choice and did a lot of volunteering for breast cancer and other events. I think I want to do this and I remember what fun I had doing this in the early 2000's. So, I am going to make it one of goals and sign up.
@ahorrasi Discovering that a friend whom I thought would have my back during a meeting where some hard decisions had to be made and unpopular views expressed actually just sat there saying NOTHING while I took it on the chin by myself.
@beequeen ((hugs)) from here. That type of S*it is always a bitch to take.
@ahorrasi Well, most of my day was spent dealing with things that took way longer than I expected and just to seem to keep getting worse. Though I felt frustrated, I did not take my frustrations out on anyone and saw the humor in it all, as well as the bright side. I counted my blessings and gratitudes. It was like that all day long and unexpected and unplanned unpleasantries kept coming up.
I just relinquished everything to God, trusting Him. It's really God who helped me control my frustratedness and temper, to not lash out at anyone.
definitely a one day thing :) http://gladiator7daychallenge.com/join/
3rd day using bleach pen on my toe and honestly am probably going to stop bc it just dawned on me what an anti-good idea it prob is to put a toxic and corrosive agent on my skin - every time i apply it i can smell it, as well it gets on the surrounding skin, etc
sort of a damned shame, really, nothing else has worked thus far
finally bought the bleach pen and used it today, twice
not much else to report
am contemplating bleach
bleach pen, or bleacn and q tips
i'm done pissing around with this awful stuff
@ahorrasi Someone just shared with me today that someone they knew tried bleach for their fingernails and it ended up going away.
Below was one recipe I found and had started but didn't stick with long enough unfortunately. I wonder if adding it into my routine would hinder the other product I am trying.
Mix one cup of household bleach with 10 cups of warm water. Soak the toes of the affected foot for three minutes, then thoroughly rinse off the bleach solution with water and dry the feet completely. Do this twice weekly, with three days between treatments. Most cases resolve in two to three months. Severe cases may take longer.
kind of lost hope this is even possible. I've kept up different treatments for as long as a month all to no avail. On this goal mainly to see what others do and whether it works or not
@ahorrasi I managed to. Took a year to completely grow out, though.
@spatz what treatment did you use?
@ahorrasi Loceryl, two times weekly. It wasn't really time consuming.
@spatz oh i will have to look for that i haven't seen that
@ahorrasi It's like a clear varnish and needs to be applied two times a week. Takes longer, though.
@ahorrasi I think there is hope depending on the severity. Mine has been worse at times (during one period, my big nail felt weak and loose and ready to come off) and now it isn't great but I feel it could be managed and improved. I hope yours can get better, too. Will try to update as of next week and let you know if the treatment I am trying is helping.
@ExplorerSoul definitely let me know what you do
@ahorrasi Omg! I've got 2 and a 1/2 finger nails with this problem! I've been trying to clear them for the last 3 or so years. Its a tough thing to get rid of. Espesically when you forget to treat them everyday.
@1234567 sucks, eh?
@ahorrasi Yep. And the fingers hurt when I press down on the nail beds. Doesn't happen when I do it to my uninfected nails.
based on this: https://www.inc.com/elle-kaplan/7-happiness-hacks-to-make-any-day-awesome.html
"I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but nobody will take the time to shower you with praise. That's why you have to do it yourself.
Most people in business will only set aside their precious minutes if they see you doing something wrong, or if they want something from you. Sprinkling your ego with dew drops of praise is the furthest thing from their minds.
You're doing great things, so take the time to recognize it. By 5:00 every day, write down three things that you accomplished. They don't have to be life-changing, just good things that deserve recognition.
Re-read yesterday's entry every morning. If you're feeling low on confidence you can read through a couple of weeks' worth of your many successes and gain confidence and perspective.
Psychologists call this journaling, and it's a proven way to boost your happiness. Start using it today."
what i want to do is email things to myself every morning, written either once a week (scheduled for different times) or at the end of the day ("5"). I want to get how FREAKIN AWESOME I am every morning :D
1 dealt with the somewhat awkward moving trailer cost situation
2 it's allright that they are not here & that they did not want what you're selling
3 going to see person WEdnesday, and possibly persons tomorrow thus fulfilling social imperatives
4 in general quite grateful for all the ppl in life who have helped me, whether consciously or not, move forward. Ppl from relatives to random strangers who lent a hand. I do not feel I have deserved all this great help or whatnot but am grateful for it and hope someday i can help others
5 https://youtu.be/eZryJ6AWb84 Jennifer Warnes - A Singer Must Die
BONUS SONG https://youtu.be/pgo71qR8nN8 Oleo de Mujer con Sombrero - Silvio Rodriguez
other ppl were not as mean and hateful as for some reason i had decided they were being when (when will i learn to stop judging and assuming things about people i don't know, i just don't, God forgive me)
got good feedback re video project - also remembered what else i had to do for them
catharsis mixed with future visioning of hope (or something...) felt productive and at least theoretically powerful
the bread was eaten by all
was so happy to do this on clogs but, srsly, FUCK that site, man. I think it's mega jumped the shark. Weird PHP bollocks errors por doquier. I just hope that rat and others come on board bc i can't bear life without them
1) managing to recognize and innoculate self against doinkery in all its forms re/ certain 'too precious to be borne' folks
2) managed to REMEMBER somehow how it FELT to feel that aspiring to Greater Things was not only possible but inevitable - and in general feeling better than I had in days
3) spent nice morning at the cafe & managed to not overspend on overpriced but tasty hoohah in spite of serious hunger pangs (The sort that make you wonder how that sparrow would taste on the walk home)
4) DEFINITELY finished one video and most likely will be able to finish another before bed!!!!!!
5) David Bowie - Everyone Says Hi https://youtu.be/fmEnRtMaeCo
@ahorrasi I remember they had the same stuff last year on clogs. Oh well. I'll msg them once more.
@spatz i have to wonder if it's by design..... maybe they're just surrendering to 43things? but thanks for messaging them! I have in the past and received no response, so
@ahorrasi Me, too. They're strangely responsive now. Oh well, I can't imagine that the clogs site is more than a stand by side project for anyone. There are only around 2500 registered users.
@spatz I think I will write too then and ask what is the deal? Are we closing shop? Etc see what they say
@ahorrasi Let me know if they say anything. Should be interesting!
sort of UNCANNY how I have succeeded in completing and acing these oh so toxic habits. How does that happen?!?!?! nobody sets out to "be the 1st place winner in cosmically SUCKING at life HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" yet that is how ti seems, looks like I've earned the diploma
well i guess i have the net 1/2 of my life to figure it out......... or die trying
this looks useful https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/295885 http://lifehacker.com/5954925/how-i-automated-the-boring-parts-of-life
ironic to have spent 10+ minutes looking for 'the perfect goal' and still coming up short haha
anyway will not leave here till i hae some semblance of video and other thing, se ha dicho
just listned to David Bowie's The Next Day first time ever, not going to lie, NOT my fave thing he came up with but I dfinitely did not know any of the songs on it, so i will come back later to report
just listened to a bunch of Joy Division. Wow they're really great! THe one that is haunting me right now is Love Will TEar Us Apart https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuuObGsB0No (too bad i already had an L)
Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)
Crosseyed And Painless
"Drugs" (David Byrne, Brian Eno) 35:37
"Electric Guitar" 32:28
(The) Great Curve . . . (6.26)
Houses In Motion . . . (4.30)
"Life During Wartime"
Naima - John Coltrane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx-TxiBi43c
(The) Overload . . . (6.00)
Seen And Not Seen . . . (3.20)
TRansmission - Joy Division https://youtu.be/6dBt3mJtgJc
Una Mas - Ken Dorham https://youtu.be/TDETNk20Vkc
Xanadu - Olivia Newton-John (yes, my friends, i sought this out just to have an x song https://youtu.be/oWeJ9p42ufg)
YOu'd Be SO Nice to Come Home To - Art Pepper https://youtu.be/xISaCzXYYg8
whoa, great goal
just listened to this album https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVGnTE5N1U8
and now working on this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2y77QjFnuk
see which ones are the songs later
because why not
hah this sounds pretty sweet, who wouldn't want this
made a 1/2 vegan 1/2 normal lasagna today though the vegan part had no fatty component because i had nothing
i used eggplant and other veg, I didn't even have nutritional yeast!
next time i'd do what i just did but add n. yeast and some sort of cashew product
or this looks amaze http://eatwithinyourmeans.com/best-damn-vegan-lasagna/
have to do this because i adore lemon curd and here's a useful one or two
also at recent potluck talking with a woman I've known for a while and found out she's been vegan for 30 years!! super amazing. I hope i have more time to talk to her. She looks absolutely amazing, too. I mean her hair is greyed and she does have crows feet etc but she's amazingly trim and her skin does not seem to sag or be jowly at all and in general seems very radiant. I'm certain if she dyed her hair and wore makeup she'd pass for 30. Anyway it's always good to know ppl
tldr; ate turkey today. It did not rock my boat or ruin my life (as far as I can tell) and it made me think all sorts of stuff
ate turkey today like 'promised'
just 1 oz which is basically 3 forkfuls and it was 'enough'
i remember the days i used to chug down a 12 pack of beer in one night (and I'm a 5'3"female) and then when I quit drinking (thanks to my first master cleanse) I would now and again have a beer, even the really good artisanal kind, and after 1/3 of a glass something in me would say NO MORE and I'd have to put it down.
If I didn't I'd fall off the wagon. So it became easier to just NOT drink.
THis story brings up various issues re consumption/giving things up/addiction that i think are relevant to diet practice, dogma, etc.
So, I can say I am an ex drinker alcoholic but not sure whether to say since 2007 when I stopped chugging 12 packs every nite or since 2015 or so when I stopped even drinking socially or since last July when was the last time i fell off the wagon, it's very weird, how language demands you be precise about stuff like this
same as smoking I have not been an official smoker (IE always with a pack and a lighter) since 2012 but have I smoked since then? fuck yes. But do I consider myself a habitual smoker? As in do I put 'smoker' on the Dr's form? No. Even though last time i smoked habitually was in June for 3 weeks or so and yes, if I'd kept on I woulda become hard core again but once again my body forced me to stop. So does this mean it is inaccurate to say I've been an ex smoker since 2012 or since June? I say 2012 because it's easier and in essence true, but clearly it makes me a liar.
Same with drink I tend to say i quit drinking in 2015 or so though everyone at C's party last July saw me in a different state. To say the least.
So i bring it up because it's the same or will be the same with diet. I could say for all extents and purposes I am vegan and will be indefinitely but is it really true?
I figured out that I can easily sustain eating 99% plant based. THis would mean that for every 100 calories, one can be of animal. or every 1000, 10 can. Or roughly for every week, 100 calories can come from animal. So roughly 1 oz of turkey once a week, or possibly an egg white or 2 (bc fat) or a tin or sardines. If I do that once a week I am still veyr strict by most ppl's standards but clearly NOT vegan, not even vegetarian, even. Yet my diet is still vastly different from so-called 'SAD', yet somehow, just that one egg once a week changes everything.
So far since doing this back in April I ahvent' even had that much once a week, it's been more like once a month or 2x/month. Same problem though.
would i ever go 100% vegan? absolutely if i had access to doctors, blood work, etc and was 100% convinced it was going well. And if the outside world was perfect, or if I lived in Portland. Like I said in another comment I am suspicious that no actual human society was 100% vegan so to me 99% is plenty good enough. Also allows for random interloper foods ("you mean that had BUTTER????") or awkward social interactions. But so far.. no.
I think these sorts of disctinctions and limits are important for our own purposes because if you hold yourself up to an impossible standard it's too easy to just let yourself go completely IE I coulda so easily after C's party just said 'I'm a fraud, let's just go back to drinking, I'm starting over from 0 again' or same with smoking or same with diet. 99% is AMAZING and has made amazing changes in my life so am I going to throw that away because for whatever reason animal fell into my mouth, voluntarily or otherwise? That's why thinking in terms of 99% or in general being sort of fluid v. Manichaean about these things is useful to me. THough it does mean I have to appear a liar to others, or I have to divest myself of these labels (which is not even that big a deal in the end I suppose)
So saying, i had a lot of problems talking myself into eating the turkey. The main thing that happened to me was, what happened to me with the beer. When I gave it up I looked at it and my liver complained at me. So when I looked at the thought of eating even 1oz of turkey i felt a rock in my stomach, and I felt all leaden, like i would feel bloated and like lead. I literally felt my innards turn to a rock at the idea of eating turkey. So I knew from the past that this means 'this is not something you need to be eating' but i had committed, for J's sake mroe than anything, and because of the previous idea that 99% is good enough and it's been 2 weeks or something since i knowingly consumed animal (fish oil capsule).
So I wondered 'am i just talking myself into some weird food trauma or is this a kinetic memory fo what it felt like to digest turkey (which I've not had all year basically)?'
and the fact is, it was pretty accurate
at first i was going to have a normal serving (4oz) but after 1 oz the thing that happened to me with the beer happened, something inside said NO MORE and I had to stop. It was amazing to me!
it's that whole 'trust your body' thing which to me is semi suspect - when your body is toxic it's liable to crave/want all sorts of bad crap but there are times when there is a useful message there
i could go on discussing body dysmorphia and associating meat with weight gain and how that trauma muddies the waters even more but it's way too late and i doubht anyone got this far even lol don't blame you one bit
weird experience, watching some health videos and they showed a picture of bacon-wrapped meat and egg and i found myself SALIVATING over it. I had been sort of hungry but didn't want to eat because the cronometer-mandated calorie limit had been reached and in spite of what the low fat vegan crowd (what i adhere to to a 80% at most at this pt at least in regards to fat and in regards to random animal prods that sneak in more like 95 - 99%) says, I canNOT relinquish the safety of calorie limit due to my terror of gaining weight. NOt a good situation, really.
But it was weird how much seeing the picture of bacon called out to me
so i decided to just fuck the calorie crap and go eat toast with hummus and sun dried tomatoes and next time i saw the bacon sausage egg picture.. i was very uninterested. KInd of grossed me out, actually
someone or other said that if you don't eat enough calories you start wanting the animal bc it is calorie dense so that's just something interesting to note.
i will and can measure biomarkers and if i start gaining weight again (in spite of being assured i won't) then just cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now i probably would choose to up my calories and make sure im getting enough nutrients (which i do for the most part)
@ahorrasi I think you're doing good listening to your body!
I read somewhere long ago that there is a protein in meat that our bodies need and it cannot be replicated in a lab, etc., so meat is our only source. Now, I cannot remember where I read that and whether it is entirely true, I do not know. It kind of makes sense to me that it may be true, considering I actually crave meat sometimes. I eat ground beef (never any other kind), some pork and poultry, and all kinds of fish and shellfish. I have been trying to eat even more plant based than I already do, and even some vegan days.
@beequeen i hear so much crap from all sides it's actually quite laughable lol, i mean, the fact that seemingly educated committed ppl are at such loggerheads and always contradicting each other - the one thing i CAN vouch for is lysine is pretty hopeless on a vegan diet so if you have any of the herpes invaders in your body you might be more susceptible to breakouts - there are other things too that are easier in animals like zinc and whatnot. Ther'e also a whole discussion about heme iron. There' s so many discussions, really... it is quite tiresome
but in the end i hear you and the other thing for me MORE IMPORTANT even than anything the talking heads/wagging tongues in the diet nutrition health industry have to say is the fact that there really has not been any real 100% vegan population in the history of mankind. Even the closest ones, the okinawans, let some meat sneak in now and again. I feel there must be a reason for this. Whihc is why aside from this goal i dare not say I am vegan because i prob will always stay at 99%
though that doesn't mean anything in terms of the argument that maybe humans ARE essentially herbivore/starchivores who occasionally want or even need meat after all, even cats, the most obligate carnivore of all, desire a little grass now & again
we made a turkey and i was planning on having some but i can't so far i am terrified it will give me a stomachache lol but i was for the record plannign on having some just be we put so much effort into making it, i will and will report back :)
Mmm.. natto..... If someone 25 years ago told me I'd be eating this stuff voluntarily iwould have laughed at them. But if you're on a predominantly veg diet you really need to be eating this
already 1/2way thru the year
was having a good year, a remarkable year, a wonderful year but now
have suffered a personal heartbreak/loss and am having trouble recovering from it. Just someone who went away. IT hurts.
it is tainting everything good
also am quit smoking again, i hadn't in years and 2 weeks ago began again so am glad to be 2 days not smoking but damn that shit is hard, cried for like 3 hours yesterday. The smoking was covering up the pain of the loss so now am really feeling it.
so, nicotine withdrawal and heartache.. not pretty, lol
and then yesterday there was a car accident, in aggregate not as bad as it could be, so am trying to access gratitude & all that rot
but i feel just the heavy sad oppression of the Loss more than anything, you just can't play games with that.
@ahorrasi I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Hope it passes and makes place for all the happiness you deserve!
@spatz thanks very much Spatz I intend to make the best of it, still keep working towards things, etc
@ahorrasi A great plan! Small steps to happiness.
@ahorassi Feeling for you... Keep going !
I like the idea of this goal. And for more than a conditional reason; i want it to be THE BEST YEAR in spite of what $ was earned, what friends were made, what inches were lost - IE without the dreary belt-notches we always crave to give our lives meaning.
I want it to be the Best Year Ever because enthusiasm was had, lessons were learned, challenges were mastered, things were achieved, limits were crossed, and consciousness was there rooting for everything as it came.
In the end: awareness. Awareness and acceptance, ergo, Best Year Yet.
it's only forever, it's not long at all
"No one can blame you for walking away
But too much rejection, uh huh...
No love injection
Life can be easy
It's not always swell
Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl
'Cause it hurts like hell
But down in the underground
You'll find someone true
Down in the Underground
A land serene, a crystal moon
It's only forever
Not long at all
Lost and Lonely
That's underground, underground"
man, i've been falling down on the job. Got to get better at this
made up some for lost time today
@ahorrasi Got it,
Done super well today I think I hit 3
@ahorrasi Thank you!
and here's a photo of...
aaarg, another opp lost when went to bed at 4am and not wake up till 9:15!!!!!! will I EVER get to do this? It's not like i even want to participate, i just want to look at the thing
tomorrow my last chance for the present, let's see if it happens. Not so sure beause it is like 8 hours away and haven't gone to bed yet
missed my one chance this past Saturday bc was way too sleep deprived - hoping i get to this Saturday because it's my last chance (and hope it's not raining!!!!!!)
Just found out about this. Since generally am going to bed around 4am Friday nite (sat morning, I guess) this looks very undoable. However, a good chance exists that this particular Fri nite it won't go down that way which means TECHNICALLY I could do this.
got some good ones in today
I recall how we lived
On the corner of a bed
And we'd speak of a Swedish room
Of hessian and wood
And we'd talk with our eyes...See More
Of the sweetness in our lives
And tomorrows of rich surprise
Some things we could do
In our madness
We burnt one hundred days
Time takes time to pass
And I still hold some ashes to me
An Occasional Dream
yayf inally finished it
The Thin Man Dashiell Hammet
i was having loads of fun interacting on the popclogs site, but suddenly it won't allow me to log on, ever, because the PHP facebook whatsit protocol either broke or has been deprecated
oh well, I guess I'm meant to be on here now
@ahorrasi Lol they don't fix things over there... ever.
@hopeslife yes, theres only one bloke named Jon who ever showed any interest of ownership and i haven't seen him in MONTHS. Once I even wrote through the 'i want to advertise on your site' portal and didn't even get a response to THAT! LOL.
@ahorrasi Well I emailed him once back in 2014 and he did respond to me. I wouldn't be surprised though if the site will be shut down soon. He seems to have no interest in keeping it up. It's also why I don't use Facebook to log into anything. They can change something and break it.
@ahorrasi I can't remember my password on popclogs and I can't get the forgot password reminder email thing to work. I didn't want to create a new account so I guess I am done with popclogs for now
@wyverndust yeah i already had to create a 2nd account when i was having problems with facebook last year, NONE of the FB accounts work, and i basically ran out of email addresses with which to create accounts. Pity, bc I had a good thing going.
@wyverndust I think the same thing happened to me. I got locked out of one of my LastPass accounts, (bad, bad me!) and I could never get the "forgot password" thing to send. I was able to log on back when the new 43T first launched though, and no updates or notifications were showing.
@hopeslife It's good here!
I first learned about 43things.com in early 2005, at my job that I hated, when I was researching some stuff for my boss or someone. A 43things entry was in the top 5 search results, so of course guess what I did for the rest of the day, lol
at that pt in time I was, as said, in a job I hated, I smoked, drank too much, was overweight, feeling like I wasn't going anywhere in life, etc. I had begun a new relationship but who knew where that was going.
a lot thanks to 43things I was able to quit that shite job, go back to school, lose the weight, do a master cleanse, and years later, I did manage to curb the drinking and quit smoking. And oh, that relationship still persists after 10 year marriage now.
so this is why this site is important to me. I'm older now and weight is an issue again, $ is an ongoing issues, as well as general wellbeing, but this site always seemed a lucky rabbit's foot to me due to the previous good it brought me.
I doubt many outside of popclogs remember me because I was always changing my username and I dissapeared a few times. I like popclogs and will probably stay there but inevitably am glad to have this site again.
@ahorrasi Kudos for you for making so much progress though! Most people have this website just for fun, but you are a prime example of how being organized and prioritizing goals can produce positive results (going back to school, having a long term relationship, etc.)
I'm going to follow you and cheer you on your journey ahorrasi! :)
@nudgethecurmudgeon why thanks so much i feel loved, lol. I will follow too, didn't see this till today
so.... there's a new logo
(that's all I'm going to say about that)
@ahorrasi I'm not real fond of it personally. I think it looks strange xD I liked the one they had yesterday better. It was different too. I wonder if they are going to be changing it more often, or if they are just trying to find one that they think fits...
@kriskrossness I didn't notice the one yesterday. Was it a lot different?
@wyverndust - It was orange and pretty. Pretty similar to the one before, but bolder and didnt say beta any more
@kriskrossness cool I wish I had seen it. I have been operating on very little sleep. It's amazing I can type anything or function at all
@wyverndust Oh my, go get some sleep deary! :D
@kriskrossness that one already sounds beter than what I'm looking at now, i wish i'd noticed it
@ahorrasi Oh definitely, I liked it better. I wonder if they are going to change it again
@ahorrasi yep not liking it either.
Too much red.
@postcard Aye, I agree. I also don't like how the goal in focus on people's pages is red now. I liked the orangey color that it was. Its so glaring now. xD
@ahorrasi I like the new logo. The random redness does distract me, but I am sure I can adjust eventually.
@wyverndust I like it too, did have to blink a couple of times because it was so red, but I find it to be a nice colour.
@rainbowssparks yay! me too. my personal website has a lot of red
@wyverndust @kriskrossness @rainbowssparks @postcard my main objection is it reminds me too much of The Red Cross or the International Hemoglobin Society or something. For the 1st 10 times i viewed the page i had to convince myself i was on the right site
@ahorrasi do you think if they made the 4 or the 3 a really different contrasting color, then it would stand out more to not be a bleeding heart?
@wyverndust that, or more separation betwen 4 and 3. It looks like they're going for the heart, which to me inherently is not.... great, but at least I would say, make it more like a 4 - 3
the thing is, it's pretty impossible to choose a logo by committe, in the end they are entitled to do what they want, and i probalby was too attached to the old logo (which they prob could not use for legal reasons)
so i mean no dissing on the logo but i did want to mention
ok, that works now, apparently. Good
@ahorrasi obviously more Bowie! Funny thing is on my old 43 account on of my goals was.....Absolute Beginners. Why? because remember that everyone is an absolute beginner....be humble....try hard. Oh yes and consider yourself cheer bombed today!
@hhannah thanks so much hhannah ! Lots of Bowie love to you
There's a starman waiting in the sky
He'd like to come and meet us
But he thinks he'd blow our minds
There's a starman waiting in the sky
He's told us not to blow it
'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile
He told me
Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie
don't believe in yourself, don't deceive with belief knowledge comes with Death's release
missing you so much, especially today, maybe because everyone's talking about the Grammy thing. I wish you hadn't left us.
After saving, it will be sealed for 2 years. Are you sure you wrote everything you want?
Changing the goal title is basically creating or joining another goal. All your activity and media will move to the new goal.
Removing this goal from your done list will delete all it's activity and you will not be associated to this goal anymore. Try edit this entry instead
I truly believe Augustine’s words are true and if you look at history you know it is true. There are many people in the world.