I want to do this!

Get a boyfriend

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 2 cheers 2017-04-05 05:06:25

    Ok, so DL, the saxophone player? The real deal. Just got him to climb the water tower with me to look at the view. Heh. We did more than look at the view. Maybe he's going to be it. Maybe. My nipples are still humming. Dang.

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 2 cheers 2017-03-20 18:29:26

    Went out with a new fella, BL, last night. First date that actually was fun, not a chore. We ended up not seeing the movie, just had dinner and a few laughs. May not be long-term commitment material, but all I want is a few laughs, anyway.

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 4 cheers 2017-03-14 15:22:23

    Dinner with ME was OK, but nothing to write home about. JH actually texted me back. He said we should get together some time and "hang out", which I would take as code for rut like bunnies, but since he can barely motivate himself to actually reply to a text most of the time, I am not holding my breath over whether or not he'd appear in person.

    Mutual friends of SS told me that he is a "commitmentaphobe" which is not a problem for me. Also said he wants women to rescue. I hate this type. I do not need rescuing. There is something slightly kaflooie with men who want to rescue women. Shows a deep-seated insecurity.

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 5 cheers 2017-03-10 04:45:02

    JR asked me out this evening for a movie, but I told him I was booked having dinner with my parents.

    I went cycling with ME last Sunday on a lark; now he wants to see me off-saddle for dinner on Saturday night. Hm.

    Meanwhile, I'm flirting with some dude on OKCupid. It went from light-hearted to somewhat randy rather quickly. Who knows what that will lead to.

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 4 cheers 2017-02-25 23:11:39

    So, tonight I'm going out with JH to a march, rally, and then socialist beer night. Whether or not I get nookie out of this is doubtful.

    [Edited to add: JH was too depressed for the above, so I didn't do any of that. Sad for me.]

    Tomorrow, I will be with thousands of other cyclists, including JR, for the kick-off of the Seattle cycling season, the Chilly Hilly. That evening, we're going to see a burlesque show on the topic of racism.

    Probably no nookie out of that one, either.

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  • lorenab
    lorenab Doing 1 cheers 2017-02-25 10:03:44

    this is kinda a stupid goal bc you can't like find a boyfriend at the grocery store and then you'll be like wohoo now i accomplished my goal and happy end everybody
    i just think my goal is to find the one and be in love with someone who's really worth it. probably should've written "find the one" instead of "get a boyfriend" but anyway yk i didn't think about it so much

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  • JoieDeVivre
    JoieDeVivre Doing 4 cheers 2017-02-22 18:31:34

    For those who knew me over on the old 43things, you may remember that my husband decided to leave me around the same time that the website was going under.
    Now, a couple of years later, he has a steady girlfriend who worships him, while he fucks other women on the side. So he’s having a jolly time without me, no question.
    Meanwhile, I think maybe I’ve healed up enough that I could have a boyfriend, and it would be OK. It just looks pretty grim. Here are the prospects:
    JH: Current FwB. Radically left-wing, sexy, marginally employed while going back to school. Fabulous in bed. Crippled by depression, such that he has terrible difficulty following through on things. How many times have a made a booty call, and he fails to follow through? I know it’s just him not being able to get himself out of bed while he’s in a funk, but I can’t hack it. It feels like rejection, even though I know intellectually it’s not. Still, this is just not working for me, even if he manages to drop Gramsci and Frances Fox Piven into casual conversation.
    JR: Charming, manages somehow to be American, African, Asian, and European simultaneously. Done a bunch of rides with him. Catholic and devout. Never married, no kids, has lived in Seattle’s gay neighborhood for two decades, which would usually mean that he’s gay, but I occasionally get flashes of interest/sexual tension. I finally broke down and asked him. Gay? Ace? Has some weird peccadillo that’s hard to find someone to fill? Just never found the right girl? He said it was complicated, and normally he’d brush off a question like this, but since we’re good enough friends, he would explain to me eventually. I’m waiting. If he were gay, he'd just say so. So what's up?
    CS: Mountaineer, engineer, tall, full of himself. Offered to provide me with a sensual experience, sexual or not, completely without strings
    or expectation of reciprocation. Also told me his male procreative organ is prodigious, and he is continually horny. I had to be very very stern with him so he wouldn’t send me a photo of said organ when it is riled up. Basically a nice guy, but he can be mansplain-y. Not sure I want the pressure of a guy who wants to screw every day. My days can be exhausting - sometimes I want Netflix without the "chill".
    JT: Also directs a small nonprofit, also a cyclist. I had him over for dinner once. No sparks. Never followed up, either of us. Should I invite him over again?
    AW: Black and Tlingit, tall, works at a gym, a hunk. A cyclist. Younger than me. Could be an amusing in bed, but a boyfriend? Not so sure.
    SS: Jewish, “as single as a slice of Kraft cheese”, sexy. I invited him over for Seder, and he came, but he’s never actually responded to other invitations. I suspect he’s just not into me. I could ask mutual friends who know him better than me.
    HS: Lawyer. Cute. Jewish, goes to my synagogue – is he really single? Never seen him mention a wife. Facebook doesn’t show a picture
    of a wife, status is not declared. He has kids. We have dinner and drinks sometimes together before Shabbos.
    Then there’s OKCupid, a vast wasteland of guys who don’t respond to my messages; and then guys who message me who look like losers, can’t spell, ghost me when I say I’m neither into hookups or nor looking for a LTR, or they live 3000 miles away.
    Feh.
    What's your advice to me?

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    • JoieDeVivre
      JoieDeVivre Doing 1 cheers 2017-02-23 23:50:44

      Yup, not convincing. I'm glad there are options; wish they were better.

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    • wyverndust
      wyverndust 1 cheers 2017-02-24 00:10:50

      @JoieDeVivre I am not sure how to advise you. I can share my experience. I will PM you shortly.

      I left my first husband in 2001. The divorce wasn't final until 2007. I didn't pursue any relationships or interactions until July 2007.

      Around Thanksgiving, 2008, I published a craigslist ad stating that I wanted an actual male friend. I really meant friend, and 8 men answered that ad. They were all genuine and decent. Surprised me. I wish I could have stayed friends with all of them, but most of them wanted to be more than friends ultimately, which wouldn't work for me or them.

      On December 29, 2008, I started a relationship with the 8th man who answered my ad. We are still together.

      I have no idea if my method would work for anyone else in the world. Your suitors sound like interesting characters, like we should make a movie about this situation. PMing you now with some more details and sending you a big hug and a lot of love.

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    • wyverndust
      wyverndust 0 cheers 2017-02-24 00:11:28

      @spatz and he is a lucky man to have you as his wife!!!

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    • spatz
      spatz 1 cheers 2017-02-24 05:53:42

      @wyverndust 🙂. We're both lucky!

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    • crunchybread
      crunchybread 2 cheers 2017-02-24 09:05:27

      @JoieDeVivre My advice to you would be to realize you are worth far more than any of these men seem willing or able to give you. Don't settle for just what's available, simply because you're hungry. It's better to be single and have a strong sense of your own value than to break down and catch one of these type of men who either aren't smart enough to recognize what a prize you are, or who are simply too unavailable to be worth your time.

      If your goal was something more basic, like "get laid" then I wouldn't be faulting you for considering these weak options, because mere sex isn't that complicated. But if what you want is an actual boyfriend of a quality higher than your ex, don't even think about dating anyone who isn't seriously into you and willing to put in the work that any good relationship needs.

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