understand myself better

Im in college, I have one year left to go. And im in that position of not knowing what I am going to do with my life, where Im going to go afterwards. Unfortunately I have no idea. I seem to not understand myself at all. And more recently as in tonight, my girlfriend and I are on a “break.” I dont know how that will work out and whether or not we will get back together i dont know that either. But she said that I dont know what I want. Maybe she is right. I think I need to ponder more on who I am and what I want.
buh.

In this brief time that has elapsed of this new year, I have learned something. A huge something. The key to getting thru the day is quite simple. It is all in how you react to things. I have truly tried to make a conscious effort to stop and think when things aren’t “going my way”. By doing this, I have found that my quick, hasty reactions of the past is what caused the landslide of faults that build on one small mishap. Thus…realizing that most of my “bad days” or “woe is me” attitudes were my own mistakes in dealing with life. The key is not making things “fit” my wants and my life, but adjusting. By adjusting you’ll get much more out of life. Wow! 25 years to learn that! I am now trying to make adjusting to things a habit. It’s a good habit to have! Good luck in all your soul searching!

This will be difficult for me, but I am up to the challenge.

Thus far I have learned:
~That I can determine my own mood by simply choosing a CD…and because of this I am trying to always choose the “lighter” CDs.
~I often times blank out when I am driving only to find myself safely at my destination some minutes later. I would like to know what goes on in my head during these times.

Being in a relationship has taught me a lot. A few of the things I have learned…

• I’m not perfect and that’s okay.
• I can be affectionate…and be (almost) unhindered about it.
• I have to make a conscious effort not to be one of those girls who disappears from the lives of her friends. (However, at the same time, they have to realize that I am going to have a dramatic decrease in the amount of time I spend with them.)
• My mom has made me crazier than I thought (that goes for both of them).
• I do have the ability to be assertive with a person without deliberating about it for hours on end before I finally say something.
• I have more idiosyncracies than I realized.