Make a plan and then follow it

I need to do this just like I plan my days, when I actually DO plan them. (Something I need to do first MORE OFTEN than I do.

I think about what has to be done and then what the most efficient ways to accomplish many of the various things, as many as I can concurrently or what I realistically think I can accomplish.

Even so, I usually bite off way more than I can chew and/or get sidetracked.

I’ll get bored, decide to take a break and that ends up taking more time than the task I was trying to accomplish to begin with, so I’ve wasted a lot of time doing something nonproductive AND now I have less time to finish whatever the job was to begin with.

My personal opinion is that all of this is very much like the “I can’t” chant. I think these are behaviors that I adopted to ensure that I never accomplished anything, as a part of the camouflage, the noncompetitive person I created to be “safe” to my siblings.

Along this line, I had an interesting thing happen the other day. I saw one of those teasers for IQ Tests online. Usually, I look at them, see an obvious answer, and it’s not the right one. I can figure out what the reasoning is when I see the right one, but that’s not been my answer.

I started to do that this time, and then I “got” it. I saw past the obvious first choice. This rarely happens to me, so I took the test. It ended up being a come-on for an advertising company, so I bailed before I found out my score, but it was interesting feeling like I was brighter than I usually feel with one of those. It was also interesting knowing that even six months ago, I wouldn’t have seen the other answer until I tried to see what I’d missed.

Growing in unexpected ways, my life is WEIRD!

jkd

if I can’t pick it up here, again. I still have my books (surprise!).

jkd

is a good first step. Continuing the house cull is another. Uncertain what happens after that?

jkd

I leave in 15 minutes. OUtstanding? I can’t find either the book ends or book displays, have a bag o’ misc. papers to take along, a CD to take back to the library, and I need to print out a map of the dealer rm for the con in Oct. that I am the dealer mgr for, so I can work on it before Friday…

That’s it, except for the usual: wallet, keys, phone, sunglasses.

I’d like to buy some grapes to eat on the way down too.

2nd set of directions & map need to make it into the car too.

Hello? Will someone please introduce me to this alien that has taken over my body???

She’s VERY organized. It sure isn’t me, or “me” as I’ve always known myself!

jkd

I’m 1/2 hour late, that will be an hour late by the time I get showered and get out of here.

I have priced, tagged, etc. all the books for the show, 1/2 hour past my (This is probably unrealistic, but…) deadline. I’m amazed. I’m the person who is ALWAYS late, always doing this stuff at the last minute, pulling all-nighters, and here I am, the day before, all but ready to go at 12:30?

My 3rd load of laundry is is the wash and needs to be dried. One more piece needs to be washed, it bleeds so it’s always washed alone.

Today, I need to pack for me, the show box, and load up the car. I need to go by the antique store (or call them) and -go to the dump too-. But that’s it!

I need to roll out of here around 8 am tomorrow, I have a breakfast date an hour away at 9:15, then a counseling appt at 10, go to the bankd then a bookstore, to pick up some stuff for someone else at the con, THEN I drive to Boston to where I’m going for the con. I have people meeting me there, hopefully by 3 pm or no later than 4.

And if I do all that, on time, it’ll be a miracle, or maybe just a real indication of how very much my life has changed.

You have no idea how very weird this feels. No self-induced chaos? No frazzled running to an fro at the last minute? I DO rather miss the adreniline, but I think I’d rather laugh….

Curiouser and curioser!

jkd

I’d be:

unhurried
happy
calm
productive
well liked
thoughtful
considerate
honest
moral
organized
well read
intelligent
analytical
warm
caring
approachable
nurturing
solvent

I don’t care about being famous, high status, brillant, or rich. I really only want enough, not the top tier.

I need to do TWO (or maybe 3) functional analyses, one for where I currently am; a second, for where I want to go; and, perhaps a third, for how to get from where I am to where I want to be.

I looked up the continuing ed math class I wanted to take yesterday. No go. Even if I audit it, it’s over $1000 to take. I can take the equivalent class at the jr college for approx 1/2 that much. The math, skills, and numbers don’t change based on where they’re taught, whether it’s podunk U or Caltech, math is math is math!

jkd

P.S. That list of things I’d like to be includes some things I think I AM and some I know I’m not; it’s not a oh gee, I’m not like this and I want to be list only, it’s just where I’m shooting for!

for this too. One of the problems with the kitchen redesign is that there was too many functions in no particular order we were trying to cover. Having analyzed what we were doing, there’s some obvious ones to eliminate/consolidate and there’s equally some to move into or out of this space, as the functions are not complementary. Anyway, having done this with the kitchen, laundry, cat feed/box, party goods, pantry, cooking, etc. it seems like I should be able to do this for my future self as well.

I’ll work on it an see what I come up with!

jkd

needs to be provision(s) for dealing with trauma triggers, old behaviors, etc. I keep running into the need to do something a bit differently than I have in the past so as to accommodate my past crap.

There’s no concrete way to plan for this, but I need to leave the plan I come up with fluid. It needs to be fluid so that when I need to, I can do a “time out” or whatever.

jkd

P.S. I apologize for the clumsy prose! I’ve reworked those two short paragraphs at least twice each now, and still it seems to be tromping about in clunky boots, so to speak. I’ll see if I can’t come up with more succinct and graceful verbiage later, apparently I can’t now!

(things like gravity, spacetime, etc.)

Yes, I know this sounds odd, but time is very fluid for me, somethings take NO time at all, no matter how much I leave, and others take a lot longer than I plan, no matter how much cushioning I put in.

I’m always expecting myself to be able to leap small buildings, figuratively at least, and this is my reminder to keep it to what IS, what I CAN do, and stop planning things that only work if I find a black hole while I’m doing it!

jkd

Need to get the paperwork filed, the books culled, etc. and I’m working on this. I put the first book on Ebay I had for a long time a few days ago (shipped it today) and it sold. But the 2nd book I ran into a glitch on Ebay (again!) which is what caused the “bitch about ebay” goal.

I have lots of books to put on Ebay, if their damned software wasn’t so flaky, it’d be a lot easier!

jkd