establish a successful "taken in hand" relationship

After some fanticly rocky times in our relationship due to me having rather lost my way, my partner suggested we instigate a taken-in-hand relationship formally as a means of saving our relationship. I was nevous at first particularly when my partner said “I am not sure you are ready for this, it will have to be totally for real, not a game, you understand”, and it has been hard to get use to some of the freedoms I formally to took for ganted no longer being in my control. It has also been a little difficult to get use to the reality of new punishments and discipline. But it has been worth it and I feel liberated in so many new ways and has put my life back on track, given it a focus. It is the reality of it that is most rewarding, my partner was right it would not have made sense as a game.

I’ve played with lifestyle changes before, but this is the first time I’ve ever really stuck to it. I’m in a new relationship with the most wonderful Dom. Before him, I was pretty much like passion4artZ was. In my everyday life, I’m usually the one stuck at the controls. While I had the run of everything, it didn’t feel “right” and I hated it. I’m very aggressive, and tend to not take no for an answer. So people generally do become my mats. But not my Sir. He gives me an inch, and only allows me that inch. If I try to take any more, over his knee I go. Not that I complain. Most certainly not. In fact, I love it more than I ever thought I would. Interestingly enough, it’s THE MOST liberating thing I have ever done. I tried to deny my submissive side for the better part of my life. I accept my true self for who I am. A submissive taking on a Dominant’s responsibility. I don’t want that responsibility anymore. I want to be protected, respected, cherished like never before. And right now, I’m getting exactly what I need.

I am a male who is tired of being tossed about. I have been looking for a web site in regards to something like this for days now (thankyou Daisy Jones for saying something about that site). Beyond the website I have been trying to instigate this kind of relationship with my g/f for months now. Only recently has it really boiled to the fore front that I am really forcing my hand. I would love any tips on what makes your relationships work well etc… thanks

for the first time in years and years…

I have approached my husband about this type of relationship, he is good with everything, him being leader, (he already was) etc.. just not the “spanking” part.. He is coming around some though. I pray he does, I REALLY just need to feel his authority sometimes and I NEED the reminders. Some habits die hard and I know this could be helpful. Glad I am not the only one with this goal …

Hi I live in Tucson, AZ and am looking for a person who would like to consider this type of relationship

This is turning out to be harder than I thought. I never realized how many things I did that I never talked to my husband about! Our marriage has changed so much in just the couple of days we’ve been doing this. We talk more about little things. I’m finding out how he feels on everything. The hard part isn’t doing what he asks me to do. The hard part is not feeling upset about what he asks me to do when it’s something I wouldn’t. If I remind myself that he is putting us first and look at it from his side I usually feel okay.

I showed William the Taken In Hand website. He was surprised. I think I am going to enjoy this!

It’s been harder than I expected, but so rewarding when going well. Chris and I are both adapting well to our apointed roles in the house. Our children have also benefitted from a more consistant and less frantic home. I helps that we no longer fight to be “king of the mountain”. I am quite satisfied and happy to oblige to being the “right hand lady”. What is the king without his supportive queen?

It has helped to find these roles plainly stated in God’s Word.

I am not a submissive female in public view. Maybe by nature, but I fight it. I’ve always turned my nose up at the idea of being domestic, or a “house wife”, or even “second” in command within the household. I do not look down on any woman that is any of these mentioned, but it never was “for me” in younger years. I have a tendency to wear the pants in a relationship when I really don’t want to at all.

It’s funny. As each year passes, I become more an more of the woman that I said I would never be. What’s frustrating is that I wasted so much time rejecting the personality traits that I am most comfortable possessing. If I have to much freedom to do as I please, I walk on people. I think it is overcompensation for usually being the one who was the doormat and couldn’t say “no”. I remember being the happiest (not IN the moment of course) when my daddy would have to sternly snap me back to reality, whether it was with a reprimand, a spanking, or a “time out”. I laugh when I look back on how it didn’t work so wonderfully for my mother. I never had the same respect for her. It was always about male dominance. It doesn’t need to have any association with sex. For me, it’s all about boundaries. I work very well within them. I’m that girl that takes a million miles when given an inch, so I need a tight leash.

Recently, (more off and on throughout the past 2 years) I have developed these waves of feeling unwanted by my fiance. I think of nothing but the type of man I want him to be so that I can be completely satisfied with knowing that I am marrying him. I want to feel like I am his and his alone. I want him to carry himself not only as a strong, dominant man but as my protector, lover, provider, and disciplinary. Yes, you read that right. I want him to discipline me when necessary. I am the type of woman that needs to be sternly corrected in order for me to put forth my best self at all times. None of this is to say that I want to be someone’s slave. Quite the opposite, actually. I want to be a respectful, supportive, intelligent and pleasing wife some day very soon.

This might surprise some, but as I said before I am very dominant in a relationship setting, and again, I don’t like it. I’ve said above how I want a strong and dominant man to, basically, keep me in line when needed. Unfortunately, I have sabotaged this entirely in the past few years of our relationship. In my personal opinion, I speak to him in a degrading manner that is unacceptable. I order him to do things rather than ask politely as if I am entitled to having a doormat. I am extremely passive-aggressive and frequently set him up in situations where he can do nothing but lose no matter which direction he turns. While I am doing all of this to my fiance, in turn, he is shutting me out, losing interest in sex (probably b/c I have made myself his mother/ teacher/boss; how sexy is that when you have a dictator in your face demeaning you all day), finding anything else to do besides be in the house with me, and pulling away from our relationship in general. The ridiculous part about all this, is now that he has pulled away from me, I have been hysterical because I feel like I don’t have a MAN that wants to be near me, or considers me enough to be romantic, or will protect me, or show me off like a precious gift. I slam him on a daily basis, but cry that I don’t have a man. Quite the paradox, isn’t it? A seemingly dominant woman wants to be “taken”.

Okay, http://www.takeninhand.com/ is a site that I found which had been established some number of years ago. It speaks of this lifestyle which completely exudes everything I am looking for in this type of relationship. It speaks of a monogamous relationship involving CONSENSUAL male dominance and female submission. It is in compliance to the old-fashioned view of the male head of the house with a twist. Typically, in these taken in hand relationships, the woman wants (literally) to be physically corrected/spanked, when needing correction/discipline. There are even situations when the woman has been consistently obedient/submissive, yet the male partner might feel it necessary to have a maintenance spanking to make sure they keep the connection required to maintain this D/S relationship. (I hate this term; it sounds like something to be done on a car. I will have to come up with something sexier.) If any are confused on how it is possible to sternly spank a woman as punishment when she enjoys the spankings sexually, here’s an example that might help better explain this: Sex feels good and is very enjoyable to most, yet Rape, even to a nymphomaniac can be psychologically devastating. Understand the difference now? When being reprimanded for something she has done wrong, the dominant male, of course, would not spank her in a teasing nor sexual fashion. No, this would not get the accurate point across to the submissive female. She would not learn her lesson. A disciplinary spanking should be for just that, discipline. It is not meant to feel good. Sometimes it does bring about tears and even cries to “please stop”, but a woman in a “taken in hand” relationship consensually submits to these spankings. She desires to be corrected. The tears and outbursts come with a genuinely needed thrashing. She would not bend over your lap if this were untrue. If I were to somehow degrade my fiance in public, I would want him to QUIETLY take me aside and let it be known that he will not tolerate that type of behavior from his woman. This situation would instantaneously satisfy both partners (me and my fiance especially). The male would re-obtain his dominant role and the woman her submissive, but not only that. She/I would also gain the feeling of security, order, control, and even protection. Because not only does she get the stern reminder of how she will/will not act, but she also gets the strong, masculine partner that she has been wanting. With consensually accepting the submissive position, I am saying to my love that I trust him completely to lead me in a way that is appropriate by Taking Me in his Hand, physically, to show me that he accepts the position of leader and protector.

I read this over before I saved & posted and was quite impressed. I sound like a seasoned pro at this lifestyle. In actuality, this is completely new to me and not even the lifestyle that I actually live out…..YET. I want this more than anything. I have a wonderful relationship, but I know it can be better. I want this before we officially get married in October. I am honestly afraid that he will be freaked out by this. Hopefully, he will be open to improving the beautiful thing that we already have. I want a real man to love and take care of me. I want him to genuinely feel like he IS that man. I decide, now, to accept him the way he is. I want him to feel in his heart that I want to be controlled appropriately so that I may always be precious to him.

This lifestyle is, obviously, not for everyone. For those who are genuinely interested in what I have said, PLEASE check out http://www.takeninhand.com.