Seriously, why do I even have this goal up? If I can’t get a boyfriend yet, why do I feel that it’s going to automatically change and guys will fall for me like I’m some goddess? It’s not like I want sex, but I do want to at least do this sometime in my life, because I’m sure it’s amazing with someone you love – I wouldn’t know, haha, right? – And yeah… All of your posts are so awesome about how you got it done, and how “special” it was.

I want that.

Not right now, not at this age. But god, if I had a guy I was with…? I’d definitely want it if it was the right guy, and I was totally ready. I want it to be special. I’m not going to date a guy just for this, but I do hope that I can trust a guy with this. I want it to be like, stroking my cheek, dim-lit room, planned, his eyes on mine, and… God, I get just goose bumps thinking about it. I can’t wait, honestly. But I have to. There’s no one in my life that could do this, and it’s a shame because I hear it’s amazing.

Sometimes I portray it in my stories I write as an “Eden.” A place where two souls become one. I know, I know; I’ve never done it and I know a lot about it. I guess I’m deep like that.

Please, God, let me have this someday when I’m totally ready. :(