at one ordinary day, i received a call from a guy that changed my entire destiny. “i am seeing another girl.” that was the only thing i remember he said. at that point of time, i wished i am some place else. there’s nothing more i could say. all the questions i have in my head were all stuck in my throat. There’s nothing left to ask, I thought. I’ve heard enough of what I need.
at that day, all the memories i kept and cherished since i was eight, vanished. i have decided to let go of him. years passed and we never contacted each other again. well, not until i once went to my hometown to visit my family. i love living in the city since i went to college and going back to my hometown happens very rare.
i never thought i would think of calling him when i reached home. we saw each other again and i realize years hasn’t really pass that long. he still has that expressive, sympathetic eyes that melts me with in.
i kissed him. he kissed me back. it was not right, i know. but i did. i don’t have control of my actions, nor my mind has control of my memories. i love him just the same. i wan’t to kiss him and get lost with him at that very moment.
after a few years, i found a stable relationship and thought that we’ll remain friends forever. until one day, he called me up again and that call brought me back to who I was four years ago.
“there’s no other girl. it was just a story.”
“why would you create a story just to break up with me? you could have told me that you fell out of love, that would be easier to accept.”
“i never felt out of love. i heard that you are seeing another man.”
Those words shook me off.
“you made me feel like a loser.”
“i was the loser, because I lost you. i lost you because I was too afraid too risk.”
i want to jump and get crazy because all of the sudden i realized a new thing. i am not a loser. however, the pain still cuts me off inside because things have changed all together. knowing the truth doesn’t make any difference at all. we can’t be together.
we still communicate and talk right now yet remain friends. he never knew i still hold him so dear. just the same.