I agreed a lot with submission, and in some ways, its actually easier than having what you want. You get to moan about it and act like a martyr, but lately, something is rising in me. I won’t lie down and take things that utterly repulse me, and so I’ve actually stood up for myself.

My partner and I nearly split on very bad terms, beacuse of some reason I do not need to go into.

I was so determined, I had a flight booked, money in the bank, all my bags and belongings packed, and I was so sure of myself that I was completely ready to wave his sorry arse goodbye, and I would never have come back.

But something divine intervened, and I believe it was not meant to be, but Lord knows, I went to that airport with every intention. My booking had been cancelled even though I had a ticket. It was absurd, and it’d be silly to say that I was hysterical. That’d be a light way of putting it.

I went onto my computer… I know, it’s silly, but this piece of mechanics is more than a piece of metal. It’s an extension of my arm. I avoid it when I know emails are to come. There are footprints of mine all over the web I am sure. I decided I couldn’t leave this place behind. Nothing of it would be something I could endure happily. I just have to make sure that I come home with some meat on my bones. I’m quite underfed and I don’t look very well.

Well, I stood up for myself, and I’m better off in so many ways. My relationship for once, was on my terms. I was able to dictate my future in what I wanted, and I was not in the wrong, though that doesn’t matter. I have done so since and before, but no matter.

There are consequences to being obstinate in the wrong circumstance, but I hope I can just know when I shouldn’t back down. I’m often submissive. I’m not ‘too kind’ as some people say. I just don’t like to think of people being angry with me. I just want to please too much, but I don’t think I’ll worry as much about that anymore. If my partner doesn’t like me pleasing myself as much as I need to please him, well then I’ve got myself into a bigger pity of affairs than I thought I had.