I found the piece below on my laptop’s desktop. It’s dated 8/9/07.

What a difference a year makes!

I think I’ll give myself an “Atta Girl!” for this one.

Here’s what I wrote last August:

The hardest part of the growth for me now is that the little girl with her trauma is “stuck” inside of me. I say she’s frozen in amber in my psyche.

My next challenge is to nurture her and allow her to grow, if she can. To say tbat I’m not looking forward to it is a huge understatement. Unfortunately, her amber sarcophagus isn’t perfect and she keeps getting out. If I don’t want her periodically waltzing into my life and sabotaging what I’m doing, I need to let her mature past where she got traumatized.

And that means dealing with all the monsters, not just the ones that happened between 3-7, probably. Somehow, after fighting to get her contained and not active in my life for many years, the idea of deliberately walking her through all the crap, again, so I can finally purge her active presence in my life is just exhausting. It’s taken me 45 years to get here, I’d really like to be done for at least a week or so before I die, you know?

If this seems like endless self-congratulations, well, I’m not surprised. But after all this time, I’m still amazed that I’m not hurting, not negative, and don’t need to be. Except for being discouraged when I get overwhelmed with how much I have to do, I’m happy.

What a switch!

jkd

Milestone is the respecting my need for privacy goal that I marked completed today.

The idea that I can be respected enough, that I can expect others to pay attention to my needs is new indeed!

jkd